Embracing Darkness
by SlayrGrl
Summary: After rejecting the Shadowmen's offer to make her more powerful Buffy realizes that she isn't strong enough to win in the fight against the First. Now there is only one option left. To win Buffy must die, but can Spike bring himself to damn her? B/S.
1. Prologue:

**Prologue: **

_My life closed twice before its close;  
__It yet remains to see  
__If Immortality unveil  
__A third event to me,  
__So huge, so hopeless to conceive,  
__As these that twice befell.  
__Parting is all we know of heaven,  
__And all we need of hell._

Emily Dickenson

--

_The air is misty and cold though Buffy doesn't notice the chilling temperature. Thick green foliage can be seen through the fog that surrounds her. She walks slowly through the forest crunching twigs and dead leaves as she moves. The bottom and sleeves of her long black dress drag on the ground and snare upon the stems of plants, but she keeps walking. Through the mist Buffy see's something up ahead. There is a light ahead of her. It glows softly and enticingly drawing the blonde slayer near. Snap, Buffy twists around suddenly at a sound from behind. As Buffy looks back her face changes. Her eyes lighten from their dark green to a bright yellow and her forehead lumps up around her eyes. She morphs into a vampire. Now facing the other end of the hazy woods Buffy sees Spike standing before her. His leather coat billows around his form and he wears a vampire mask just as she does. Buffy then notices that his arm is extended to her with his palm facing the sky._

"_Let me lead you into the darkness," Spike says to her. His voice is velvety smooth._

_Through yellow eyes Buffy looks at her former lover. His eyes, even in their yellowed hue, look so reassuring, so trustworthy but she doesn't trust his words. The darkness is not where she wants to be. Across the wrist of his outreached hand Buffy then realizes that he's injured. His wrist is bleeding; tiny droplets of the crimson liquid fall through the mist and land upon the leaves of plants below causing their stems to bend. _

"_Buffy," A caring voice calls from behind and Buffy spins back around at the sound._

_She looks to where she saw the white light before. Then through the mist she sees her. Surrounded by light is Buffy's mom dressed in a long white gown. Her features are perfect and Angelic and she seems to glow as she stands before her daughter. Joyce steps closer to Buffy and touches her daughters face. Buffy closes her eyes for a moment feeling so peaceful in the presence of her mom. Joyce's fingers run over the ridges of her vampire visage and Buffy brings a hand up to place over her moms. As she touches Joyce's fingers she feel's her own face. Her fingers run over the ridges across her forehead and she discovers her vampire form for the first time._

"_Mom," Buffy says with fear in her voice. Her yellow eyes open wide._

"_Shh… its okay Buffy, I'm here."_

"_I'm a vampire," Buffy says in an uneasy tone._

"_Buffy listen to me… you're not strong enough to win this fight." Her words are still caring but firm._

"_That's what the shadowmen said."_

"_And they were right."_

"_But I can't… they wanted to make me less human… I turned them down… there's no other way."_

"_Yes… there is… Buffy listen to me. Listen close, you know what to do." Joyce's eyes stare deep and intensely at her daughter. _

"_But… my soul."_

"_Remember Willow's spell sweetie? She put your soul back in your body and it will remain with your body until it all fades away and turns to dust."_

"_I don't understand… how…"_

"_Shh… I have to go now. Put your trust in him. I love you." Joyce runs her fingers across Buffy's face once again then as if she were floating slowly backs away._

"_Mom, no wait…" Buffy's words trail off as her mother disappears back into the mist. She reaches her hand out into the space as if to reach for Joyce, but she's gone. The mist grows thicker. Whiteness surrounds Buffy; it swarms around her and consumes her. Then from no where and everywhere at once there is a voice in the wind. "Death is your gift," it says in a whispery echo._

--

In an instant Buffy's eyes fly open and she bolts upright in bed. Her hands immediately dart to her face and as she feels her skin she finds herself relieved that it's smooth and lacking the vampire bumpies from her dream. She's drenched in sweat and panting heavily. It was a dream, just a dream she reminds herself. No, not just a dream, a slayer dream, Buffy thinks as she replays the images of her mother over in her head. _Let me lead you into the _darkness, Buffy takes a deep breath as the thought enters her mind of what she must do to win this battle. _Put your trust in him. _She runs her fingers through her hair and lies back down to stare at the ceiling, but she knows that sleep will escape her for the rest of the night.

Earlier that day her interaction with the shadowmen had scared her. They wanted to make her less human and Buffy wouldn't let them; but by the time Willow had come to talk to her she already regretted that decision. This battle will be bigger then anything she's ever faced before and Buffy knows she's not strong enough to win it. Buffy shakes her head for a moment then raises her hands to cover her eyes.

Thoughts of this battle make her feel like a scared little girl, a weak and helpless child standing at the mouth of hell, and it's ready to swallow her whole. Buffy's eyes squeeze tight and well up with tears. She brushes them away hastily and takes another deep breath then tries to force her mind to calm and for sleep to come once again. She knows she needs more sleep; dealing with her dream will have to wait until morning.

As Buffy tosses and turns one phrase repeats over and over in her mind. _Death is your gift._


	2. Ominous Sunrise:

**Ominous Sunrise: **

Buffy sits on the steps of the front porch and watches the sun rise. As it comes over the horizon it throws a golden glimmer across everything before her. Its glow fills the sky with light turning the clouds pink and illuminates Buffy's face with warmth. For the first time in a long time she takes in its beauty absorbing every second of the sight before her. Buffy has made up her mind about what she's going to propose to the gang today, but so far she hasn't let what that will mean for her completely soak in. All Buffy knows is that she wants to enjoy this sunrise, and she does.

--

It's mid day now and the Summer's home is filled with busy bodies. Potentials roam from room to room gossiping among each other and eating everything in sight. The scoobies go about their daily routines scolding the potentials for the small annoying things they do to get in their way. Andrew hangs around following one person then another through the house, and Spike stands by the back door lighting a cigarette allowing its smoke to float outside having been scolded by Dawn one too many times about second hand stinky-ness. Buffy notices that he's wearing his coat again. She had felt bad for getting on his case the other day telling him that he needed to toughen up; now however, Buffy realizes that she will need him to be tough to do what she will ask of him.

Buffy watches over all her friends as she moves through the house with her arms crossed and her thoughts far from the present moment. She thinks about her life with them. She thinks about days in the sun and good memories from her youth. She thinks about the happy times, about hanging at the bronze and trips to the beach. Then Buffy sombers up and puts on her slayer face. Banishing all nostalgic thoughts from her mind she falls into that _all business mode_ and proceeds to gather everyone in the living room.

Once everyone is standing before her she takes a deep breath and prepares herself for what she's about to say. Buffy knows they won't take it well, but it's what needs to be done. She builds a wall, builds it thick and high to block out all her own feelings about her situation and begins to speak as if this were any other plan.

"I can't fight this… I'm not strong enough… Yesterday the shadowmen offered me more power and I turned it down, but I shouldn't have… things are really bad this time guys, this is bigger then anything we've ever faced, and I need to be stronger if we're going to beat it," Buffy says as she looks over all the faces before her. She watches them watch her, look up to her and follow her every word. "There's something I need to do… I need to be stronger. You all need to understand that, because if you don't then we will loose…"

"Come on Buff, you're killing us with suspense," Xander says.

"I know, I'm sorry… it's just that what I'm about to tell you is a big deal… I want… I," Buffy pauses for a moment then catches Spike's eyes from across the room; she gathers her strength and hides once again behind that thick, high wall, "I…want… I _need_ Spike to turn me."

Buffy watches as her words register with everyone in the room, watches as those words float in through their ears and turn wheels in their brains. It takes them all a moment to understand what she's said. Then slowly eyes start to bulge and looks of uncertainty cross their faces. Some glance at each other as if to look and see if everyone else heard what they heard; others simply bow their heads trying to sort through the meaning of what she's said.

"What?" Xander then says breaking the momentary silence.

"Buffy, you can't possibly think this will be a solution to…" Giles begins to say.

"Doesn't matter, I wont bloody do it," Spike says cutting Giles off.

"Buffy, think about this, if you become a vampire… you'll be evil," Willow interjects.

"I had a slayer dream last night… Mom visited me, she told me this is what I need to do, she said I would keep my soul because of the spell you did to bring me back," Buffy explains.

"And you have no possible way to know if that was a real dream or a trick by the First," Giles says.

"It was real. I know it."

"You are off your bloody nut Summers, I won't take part in this," Spike says as he begins to exit the room. Buffy immediately follows him and stops him in the entrance way.

"And just where do you think you're going?" Buffy asks.

"Downstairs… I won't listen to your insane ranting of this sodding death wish." Spike turns to leave again but Buffy has her hand on his arms holding him in place. "You know Summers, I always knew you needed a little monster in your man… you proved that the other night wishing me back to my old ways, but love, I've got my rocks back… I can be all the monster I used to be, but you _don't_ want this."

"Yes, I do Spike… I need you to do this."

Spike looks into the determination that swirls around within her sparkling green orbs. Stubbornness radiates from every inch of her and Spike realizes that she's dead serious about her proposition. She really expects him to _kill _her just because she asked him to. Spike decides that he needs to do something to change her mind, needs to show her that this isn't the way. In a flash Spike moves around Buffy pushing her up against the wall with force. He holds her there by her neck though not tightly enough to hurt her and slams his other hand loudly against the wall, but she still stares him down with that unwavering glare.

In the living room the scoobies and slayeretts look on at the blonde duo. Xander stands up as he sees Spike's hand around his best friend's neck, but before he can say or do anything Willow has her hand on his arm stopping him.

"He's just trying to scare her," Willow says so low that only Xander can hear and Xander sits back down. He doesn't like letting the vampire go on with his scare tactics, but he likes the idea of Buffy dying far less.

Seeing obstinacy still running strong through her veins Spike tightens his grip a little and leers in closer letting his eyes shine yellow.

"Is this what you want Slayer… your life in my hands?"

"Yes," Buffy replies with resolve.

That hadn't been the answer Spike had wanted to hear, for a moment he nearly backs off not really wanting to hurt her but then realizes that she won't stop and the last thing that he would ever want for her would be for her to end up like him; for her to be dammed like him. At that moment he decides that he hasn't pushed her far enough. He hasn't scared her yet. Spike lifts Buffy up by the neck, surprised when she doesn't fight back. He watches as her breath falls shallow then he wedges his body between her dangling legs pushing himself up tight against her and vamps out. He knows that he's crossing the line, but feels that he needs to in order to get through to her.

"This isn't just a little blood play in bed Buffy," he says. Spike knows he's making a show before her friends, but he hopes that knowing they're watching her will make Buffy want to change her mind. Spike runs his tong over his fangs, "this is a little more serious then kinky fantasies."

Spike watches as Buffy closes her eyes and for a moment he thinks that he's finally gotten through to her, but he hasn't. Buffy then tilts her head to the side revealing her neck and making the blood that's pumping through her veins easy access for Spike. He growls at her then, did she really think he could actually do that to her. Violently he drops her to the floor and she lands hard. With another low guttural growl Spike watches as Buffy, still lying on the ground, gasps for air. He wants to yell at her, wants to say something, anything, but he doesn't. Angrily he turns and storms off to the basement.

Xander rushes to Buffy's side and helps her up. She had just let him hurt her and Xander doesn't even know what to say. He wants to be mad at Spike, but he's still very upset over what Buffy has told them she wants to do. As he helps her to her feet he finds himself seriously questioning her sanity.

--

Buffy sits perfectly still at the kitchen counter and Willow hands her a glass of water. All the slayeretts and Andrew are in the living room most likely gossiping over the scene they had just witnessed. Only the scoobies stand before her with eyes of concern, Dawn especially. Buffy has now regained her composure and looks over all her friends before her. Then she drops her eyes and stares into the reflective surface of her water as she takes a sip.

"I know you don't understand," Buffy says.

"Oh I think I understand quite well Buffy," Giles says, "You're scared and you've concocted this absurd idea to deal with…"

"That's not what this is Giles."

"You really believe that this is the solution, that _death_ is the solution?"

"Do you really think I would be suggesting this if it wasn't the only way," Buffy says raising her voice, emotion flooding every word.

"No, no… this can't be the only way," Xander says.

"Buffy…" Willow begins.

"No… no you, guys don't get it," Buffy says raising her voice further. "This has been my worst nightmare since I first became the slayer, but I can't even think about how _scared_ I am to do this because I know it needs to be done."

Dawn then silently exits the room obviously upset. Her footsteps are heard by all as she storms up the stairs to her room. Dawn's door slams with a loud thud and Buffy winces at the sound. The slayer looks over the rest of her friends then turns and walks out after Dawn.

"I have to go talk to her… I can't argue with you anymore… I'm sorry, this is what I need to do," Buffy says as she leaves.

--

Spike sits on the cot in the basement, his head tilted upward, resting against the cement bricks and vehemently puffing away at another cigarette. He can hear them talking in the kitchen above and listens to every word they say, every word she says. He starts to understand her seriousness for the first time, starts to understand that she's not insane or delirious. She really had a slayer dream and this really is what needs to be done.

Spike's eyes tear up and he clenches his jaw at the thought of what must me done then he drops his head in his hands and lets a few tears fall. He doesn't want to kill her, hasn't in a long time. More so though he doesn't want to take the sun away from her, doesn't want to steal the feeling of being alive, of having blood pump through her veins, or the ability to grow old. Spike doesn't want to condemn her to living undead, but he will. He sucks back his tears and watches the smoke from his cigarette rise in ribbons into the air.


	3. Bittersweet Setting Sun:

**Bittersweet Setting Sun: **

Dawn is lying face down on her bed wiping a few stray tears from her face when she hears her bedroom door open. Dawn turns over to see her sister entering the room. Buffy closes the door behind her and takes a few steps closer to the bed. A moment passes where no one says anything, then Buffy sits beside Dawn. In all honestly Buffy doesn't know what to say, she'd already put Dawn through so much from being the slayer and having to save the world. Dawn has already attended one funeral for her and Buffy doesn't want to make her have to go through that again, but being the slayer she knows that she has to keep the bigger picture in mind.

"Dawnie…" Buffy begins to say.

"Don't… don't tell me you have to do this to save the world… I've heard it already okay, just leave me alone," Dawn replies with a shaky voice.

"Dawn, I'm not leaving you… I'm not going anywhere… I just need…"

"You need to die?"

"I need to be stronger… I'm the one that has to fight this, and if I don't do this I'll loose that fight."

"I _understand_ that… I know… it's just… unfair."

"I know… you have to believe me though Dawn, if there were any other way I wouldn't do it."

Dawn's blue eyes are glossy with unshed tears as she looks up at Buffy and sees the honesty that's reflected in her words. Dawn didn't mean to get all weepy on Buffy; she's just tired and stressed out as everyone in the house is. She looks up at her sister and can see the love Buffy has for her in her eyes. They have been through hard things before and they always worked out. In that moment Dawn convinces herself that this will too.

"You're positive that you'll keep your soul… we wont have to… we wont have to kill you if things go wrong?"

"Things won't go wrong," Buffy says pulling Dawn to her and kissing the top of her head. "I promise."

--

Spike makes his way up the basement stairs. The door swings open allowing him to enter the kitchen and as he does he sees the faces of the scoobies staring at him. The silence in the room is deafening as he enters the kitchen. Spike's stance and posture as he steps before them speaks volumes. They can tell that he's changed his mind by the look on his face, but they can also see how hard it has been for him to come to that decision. Much harder then it had been for them to come to accept Buffy's choice and they lower their heads as he passes feeling completely uncomfortable with words.

Spike walks through the dining room and is about to proceed into the living room in search of Buffy when he sees her walking down the stairs. She walks slowly and comes to land in the entrance way just as he makes it there. For a moment she simply stares down at the floor as does he, then they both look up at the same time to stare into each other's eyes. Neither needs to say anything, there is a silent understanding of the conclusion they've come to and each of them sees pain in the other's expression for what must be done.

"Thank you,"

"You sure about this pet?"

"…Yeah… yeah I am," Buffy says averting her gaze once more. When she catches Spike's eyes again he sees tears welling up in her green orbs. Instinctively Spike reaches a hand forward to wipe her tears away, he hesitates for a moment not sure if he should touch her, then moves his thumb against her skin wiping the wetness away; Buffy just looks up at him with all her heart and soul.

"We'll do this later… spend the rest of the day in the sun with your friends," he says and Buffy nods then turns her head and walks into the kitchen without another word.

--

Buffy had taken Spike's words seriously. During the rest of her day she walked down to the beach with Dawn, laid in the sand beneath the sun feeling it's warmth upon her skin and trailed her feet in the water. Then she wandered around town for a short while taking in how everything looked in the sunlight. How it reflected off store fronts and glimmered in puddles. She watched the people moving on around her so innocent and naive. They knew nothing of the world in which she lived. They knew nothing of the impending apocalypse, and they knew nothing of how valuable their lives are. They're the lucky ones.

For the first time in weeks Buffy ate a decent supper savoring every bite and then after dinner took a long bubble bath and viewed her image in the mirror longer then she ever had before, she wondered if she would ever forget what she looked like and tried to take every feature of her face into her memory. She planned to lock this day away in her mind so that she'd never forget a single detail of it - of her last day alive.

Now Buffy sits on her front steps with Willow on one side of her and Xander on the other watching the sun set in the sky. They sit in silence watching as its light grows more orange with every second and as it does Buffy wishes that time would simply stop to allow her to take in its beauty for just a little while longer. Buffy finds comfort sitting there watching the silent falling of the sun, then all too soon it's vanished completely beneath the horizon. Xander and Willow give her a warm loving hug as Buffy shuts her eyes for a moment recalling the memory of the sun. Then they sit for a short while longer as the sky darkens.

--

After sunset Buffy came inside to find that Spike had been waiting for her in the entrance way. He stood leaning against the railing of the stairs. When his eyes met hers Xander and Willow vanished into the living room and Buffy lead the way up the stairs. Spike followed her quietly. Alone they went into her room and Buffy locked the door behind them. The sound of the metal lock reverberated through the room. Now they stand in the blue glow of the moonlight facing each other unsure of exactly what to say. Buffy slowly moves to the bed and sits down with her arms at her sides. Then after a moment's pause Spike sits down beside her. Her hands sit flat on the bed, her elbows stiff and unbent while Spike's are folded resting limply in his lap. This is it. Buffy turns to face him and Spike meets her gaze.

"Make love to me," Buffy says softly. Spike's face falls slack in shock.

"What?"

"I want one more time while I'm still… alive."

"But you don't want that with me love."

"Spike… I care for you." Her voice tells him that she's determined.

"But you don't _love_ me."

"Spike… please," Buffy says softly looking up at him with her gorgeous green eyes and Spike wonders just how could he ever resist that. Her eyes are still pleading. Spike knows he can't resist.

She doesn't have to ask again. Slowly Spike draws Buffy into a kiss. He runs his hand through her hair and then gently pushes her down onto the bed. Buffy runs her hands over Spike's shoulders pushing his coat off allowing it to slide to the floor. Spike leans down to the small slayer before him capturing her lips in a kiss once more allowing it to deepen and for passion to overcome them both. Spike knows this isn't real, but he could never deny her a request.

Spike begins to unbutton her shirt as Buffy tugs his black t over his head. Then they find themselves sitting up with Buffy wrapping her legs around Spike's waist. He kisses her neck softly as he unfastens her bra feeling her arch into him. Soft kisses run over the spot he eventually will be ripping into with his fangs and Spike freezes for a moment. Then he pushes all thoughts of killing her out of his mind and focuses on making love to her one more time instead. As his thoughts refocus he thinks about her choice of words. She had asked him to make love to her. She'd never said it like that before, so tenderly, so true. For a moment Spike thinks that just maybe this actually matters to her more then just one last time, but he pushes that thought away as well.

With their clothes shed they find themselves beneath the sheets as the moonlight shines through the window. Spike pauses for a moment taking in the sight of Buffy below him. She meets his eyes with her teary ones as he enters her and holds his gaze. With a gasp of air they fall perfectly in sync with each other. This time they find themselves joined together differently then they ever have before. Buffy isn't looking for Spike to help her forget, this time she's come to him for a moment to remember. As heat causes her body to swell and her heart beat quickens Buffy finds she could cry at the thought of never feeling this passion rush through her veins again, but she doesn't. Buffy holds back her tears and let's herself live in the moment.

The world falls away as they dance through the night in a bittersweet symphony. They are enjoying every second of their union but saddened at the thought of what they will be doing after. Buffy's impending death looms in the back of both their minds as they make love in the moonlight.

--

The gang sits impatiently around the table in the dining room. Xander twittles his thumbs while Anya pages through a novel. Giles and Willow simply sit with somber faces; Kennedy is at Willow's side rubbing circles in her palm while Dawn rests upon her hands. The slayeretts, and Andrew, are eating dinner, they had ordered pizzas, but none of the scoobies have the stomach for food at the moment so they sit around the table with nothing before them, nothing but their thoughts.

"What's taking them so long… it's been over an hour now," Xander asks unable to keep his thoughts to himself any longer.

"They're probably having sex," Anya says bluntly without even removing her eyes from the pages of her book.

"_Anya_," Willow says in a warning voice.

"What? It's what I'd want to be doing before I died."

"I'm sure Buffy's just taking her time to discuss with Spike her… fears about… about how this process will go," Giles adds in.

"How long does it take… for her to die? How long does that take?" Dawn asks.

"Dawnie," Willow begins to say.

"No… I want to know."

"A while… he has to drain her completely… it's a very long and painful process. Even if they have… _begun_, it may be some time before Spike emerges," Giles explains.

"And we're just supposed to wait here while he kills her," Xander says with bitterness rooted deep in his voice.

"What else can we do," Willow states.

"Stop this… Giles, he's killing her up there don't tell me you can just sit here and let that happen."

"I'm with Xander on this," Kennedy says. "I'll go take him out right now, I know this is your friend and all Willow, but I don't think this is the right decision."

"I think Buffy's made it very clear that _we_ don't have any control over this situation," Giles replies. Kennedy looks to Willow and sees that she's agreeing with the older man.

"We have to let her do this… she knows what she's doing," Dawn says softly.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers. Also there is a video up for this fic on my website which you can get to from my profile.


	4. Deathly Moon:

**Deathly Moon:**

Buffy stares up at the white ceiling of her room. Cross like shadows from moonlight shining through the window panes make their home on her white walls. A single white sheet covers her naked form as she lies with Spike on his back beside her. They're both still awake, and they lie resting beside each other waiting to regain their strength for what must be done next. Buffy turns her head to see the alarm clock beside her bed. 9:23 the numbers read in a collaboration of blinking red lines. Buffy then turns around on her other side to face Spike and he turns to face her. They take in each other's features and Spike runs his fingers across her cheek. A single tear rolls down her face then and Spike wipes it away. Then silently Buffy gets out of bed.

Buffy starts to get dressed, however as she's about to put her white shirt back on she stares down at it and decides that she'd rather wear something that won't be stained by her blood. Buffy walks over to her closet as Spike finishes getting dressed behind her and looks through her shirts. She realizes that she's not surprised of the morbid thoughts about her own death that are floating through her mind.

"I suppose you were right all those years ago about being the one to take me out," Buffy says with dry humor as she pulls a black blouse from her closet.

"Kinda was wishing I had been wrong about that love," Spike replies.

Buffy chokes back tears and does her best to suppress all her feelings. She buttons up her black shirt and turns back to Spike whose standing in the center of her room facing her. Slowly she walks past him and sits on the edge of her bed. Spike sits down next to her mirroring their positions from when they first entered Buffy's room. Again Buffy turns to Spike, but this time she doesn't plan to ask him to make love to her and they both know it.

"How do you want… what do I need to do?" Buffy asks trying to keep her voice from shaking.

"Nothing pet, works all on me," Spike says, then notices that he needs to say something else to calm her fears. "Just try to relax, I'll lead you through this." Spike hopes that giving her some instructions will help her feel like she has some control over this situation.

"Okay."

Spike leans into Buffy, his face is still that of its human form, and he looks her straight in her eyes wanting to relay all the love he has for her. Spike then nears her neck and allows his face to change. Buffy can feel his smooth skin turn bumpy and as she does her slayer senses are telling her to run from the close proximity he has to her neck. She tries to keep her body from tensing up, but despite her best efforts she does anyway. Spike waits a moment until Buffy is relaxed again. He places one hand on her shoulder and with the other intertwines his fingers with hers. Buffy notices the cool feeling of his skin more in this moment then she ever had before. Spike's skin against hers feels like ice and she is all too aware of it. Buffy closes her eyes and grips his hand as Spike quickly drives his fangs into her neck.

He teeth, sharp like hypodermic needles, deep in through her skin and wraps his arms around her small frame tightly as pain overflows through her body. Her blood tasted like nothing Spike's had ever had before, it's better then the slayer in China, and the second it reaches his taste buds he's thirsting fore more. Buffy's nails dig into the leather of Spike's coat as the sweet and strong liquid that is her life drains from her body.

Spike drinks deep wanting this to be over as fast as it can so Buffy doesn't have to suffer longer then need be. Silent gasps of pain escape her mouth and then Buffy finds her body trembling and growing weak. As her grip on the vampire before her weakens and loosens Spike lays Buffy down on the bed, his fangs remaining deep in her neck the entire time. He hears her heartbeat slow and knows that soon she will be slipping away. Silent tears fall down Spike's face as he pulls away from her body.

Spike stares down at the barely conscious Buffy with a surreal sense of dread as he sinks his fangs into his own wrist. Knowing what she must do Buffy opens her mouth with what's left of her strength and Spike holds his bleeding wrist out before her. Tiny droplets of blood fall from the vampire into the dying slayer's mouth. Then Spike lowers his wrist to her and she drinks.

--

Downstairs the potentials, including Kennedy, are settling down in the living room and Anya has fallen asleep on the couch. Dawn, Willow and Xander, however, are still wide awake and wait for some word on Buffy's condition in the kitchen. They all sit still as statues around the breakfast counter with grave faces.

"Think everything is going okay?" Dawn asks.

"Yeah, I'm sure everything is just fine," Willow says reassuringly then gives a pointed look at Xander to suggest that maybe Dawn's fears hold some validity.

"Don't worry Dawnie, if Spike's not back down soon I'll go up and check on them okay," Xander says wanting any reason to go upstairs.

--

Spike stands over the deceased slayer. One of her legs hangs limply off the edge of the bed and her fingers are clasped from digging her nails into Spike's coat. He stares at her for the longest time as her dead eyes stare back up at him, they look at Spike lacking the glimmer and life he'd come to love seeing within them, now they are empty and lifeless. Spike thinks to himself that he has finally done the one thing that he would never be able to forgive himself for. Then Spike gently takes his hand and closes her eyes. He adjusts her pale body so that she's lying straight on the bed, pushes her legs together and rests her arms at her sides. Then Spike slumps to the ground below the window. He collapses there resting his head against the wall staring blankly at nothing, because at that moment nothing is there with him, at that moment she's just gone.

--

"Alright, that's it. I'm going up there," Xander says as he gets up from his spot in the kitchen and walks into the dining room. Willow and Dawn follow him knowing that he intends to see what's going on. As he makes his way through the dining room and turns the corner to go up the stairs he sees Spike walking down them. Xander stops in his tracks at the sight of the blonde vampire as do Dawn and Willow who come up behind him. At first Spike is oblivious of Xander's existence, but as he reaches the last step he acknowledges the young man's presence as well as that of the two young women beside him. Looks of fear and uncertainty adorn their faces and all of them are looking to him for an answer.

"Is she… did you… how did everything go?" Xander says through jumbled speech.

"She's dead," Spike says flatly and attempts to walk away, but Dawn rushes up to him.

"But she's… she'll rise right, everything went the way it was supposed to?" Dawn asks with worry in her eyes and Spike simply nods at her. Then he continues to move toward the door.

"Where are you going?" Willow asks.

"To get blood… she'll be hungry when she wakes," Spike says as he adjusts the collar of his leather duster and walks out the door avoiding eye contact as much as possible. The door slams behind him and Willow, Dawn and Xander just look at each other not quite sure of what to do next.

--

For a brief moment Dawn, Willow and Xander went into Buffy's room to gaze upon her corpse. She looked almost peaceful, as if she might have been sleeping, that is with the exception of the gaping wound on her neck that was the cause of her stillness and ashen skin tone. It felt surreal to see her lying there like that. Seemed fake and bizarre, but they all knew it was real, very real. They stood in her room completely silent as they gazed upon her corpse, then finding that there was nothing more to do Willow and Xander exited the room, Dawn however, stayed.

Now Dawn sits with her back against Buffy's mirrored closet staring at the end of the bed. Her room feels weird to Dawn; it simply isn't Buffy's room anymore. It's a death room, a room that has been taken over by the darkness and while sunrise will be coming soon sleep is far from Dawn's mind. Dawn just sits in silence as the cross like shadows travel across the walls - the walls of the death room - as the moon moves through the sky. Time seems still and yet completely unimportant all together in the moments she spends against the mirror. Dawn is so dazed that she doesn't even flinch as Buffy's door opens again and her killer enters the room.

When Spike had returned home he placed the blood he bought in the fridge then proceeded upstairs wanting to wait with her until sunrise. As he walked through the door of her bedroom he was caught off guard seeing Dawn sitting on the floor. Spike stops dead in his tracks for a moment then walks toward the fragile girl sitting on the floor.

"She looks like she's sleeping… but she's so _cold," _Dawn says absentmindedly. Spike says nothing, just sits down beside her. They don't look at each other; they simply stare into the oblivion that is the end of Buffy's bed before them. "When will she rise?" Dawn asks.

"Tomorrow night, right after sunset."

"Spike?"

"Yeah, niblet?"

"When you got your soul… you did that because you knew what you… tried to do to Buffy was wrong?"

"Never meant to hurt your sis… demon just had more control over me then I could help… I know there's nothing I can say to make up for that, but I got my soul to try, I wanted to be a better man."

"I'm sorry… about when you came back, how I acted… I didn't know… it's just that last year… you just left, I was mad at you for leaving us."

"I'm so sorry Dawn," Spike says with true sympathy in his voice. He hadn't realized how much he'd hurt her by leaving. "I love you and your sis… have for a long time, and I shouldn't have left like I did." Dawn takes note that he doesn't promise never to leave again, but for the moment she's happy with his apology.

Dawn says nothing, but she does turn and look at him for the first time since he's entered the room. She looks him straight in the eye and then rests her head on his shoulder. Spike brings his arm around her shoulders recognizing her silent acceptance of his apology, and for the first time that night sleep stops escaping Dawn and she finds herself drifting off as she nuzzles up to Spike.


	5. Mourning:

**Mourning: **

_Vibrant green foliage surrounds Dawn in the misty forest. Vines and moss encase branches and tree trunks twisting around them in a spiral pattern. Dawn walks slowly breaking twigs and crunching plants as she moves through the pathless woods. Sunlight shines through the trees making lines in the mist and Dawn looks around for some direction as to where she should go. Then through the thick low lying fog there is a light that shines from up ahead. Dawn follows her instincts which lead her into the light, there she sees a clearing in the wood, a clearing that forms a perfectly round circle surrounded by trees. Sitting in the center of the circle are two women facing each other. Dawn recognizes them both immediately. _

"_Buffy," Dawn calls out as Tara flips over a card for Buffy who sits before her. Dawn rushes to them and sits down. Once she's on the ground she sees that the two deceased women have a tarot spread between them. They acknowledge her presence but continue with their cards silently. Tara flips over the last card as Dawn looks down to read them. All cards are laid out face up before Buffy. The first card is Death, the second is the Four of Swords and the last is The World. _

"_Fate is written in the cards," Tara says turning to face Dawn. She pulls the deck into her hand and unfolds three cards before Dawn. The first is the Three of Swords, the second is The Five of Cups and the third is The Star._

"_I don't understand," Dawn says._

"_Dawnie… you have to go now… you have to wake up," Buffy says._

_Before Dawn can say another word the mist invades the clearing and soon engulfs Dawn, within seconds both Tara and Buffy have disappeared from her sight. "You have to wake up," Buffy's words travel through the wind. It gets brighter, whiter._

_--_

"It's time to wake up," a voice sounds. Groggily Dawn opens her eyes to see Spike's face before her. No longer is she in the woods, she's back in her own house, in Buffy's room - in the death room. She had fallen asleep on his shoulder the night before and he stayed there in the death room with her all through the night. Now he shakes her softly dragging her out of her dreamscape. It takes Dawn a moment to realize where she is and what's going on but eventually she remembers and sits up straight.

"Its morning pet," Spike says as Dawn stands up. She walks to the side of Buffy's bed and stares down at her sister's lifeless body. Then in a whirl she turns back to look at Spike who is now standing behind her.

"Fate is written in the cards," Dawn says softly and to no one in particular as she rushes out of the room.

Spike is left standing there for a moment with a confused look across his face. Then he decides to follow her. Spike walks out into the hallway and follows Dawn into her room. He watches as she shuffles through papers on her desk and looks among the books on her bookshelf then she opens one of her drawers and digs through it.

"What are you looking for?" Spike asks.

"Tara said that Fate is written in the cards… I have to see what cards she pulled," Dawn explains not caring that her words aren't making any sense to Spike.

"You saw Glinda?"

"Yeah, she was in my dream with Buffy… uh, where are they?" Dawn says partially to herself as she continues to shuffle through her drawer. Then she stops. Her fingers grace the cover of a blue box and she pulls it out. As Dawn turns back to face Spike she holds a deck of tarot cards in her hands. Dawn then rushes out of her room and flies down the stairs with Spike following behind her.

--

"We're all gonna die," Vi says lying on the floor of the living room. They've been hauled up in the house all day with no slayer to protect or train them, boredom now consumes them all.

"We're not _all_ gonna die," Kennedy says, drawing out the word all with the implication that some might.

"No? The slayer… the person who brought us here to protect us, she's _a vampire_, I agree with Vi on this, we're dead," Rona says.

"I don't know… I mean she did that to be stronger right, things might be alright," Molly chimes in.

"In my opinion vampires are bad, no exceptions… her being stronger just means that she'll kill us faster."

"Well, what about Spike, he's a vampire and he's not bad," Molly says.

"Spike has a soul… or so he says at least," Kennedy says.

"Yeah, and he's still a badass," Andrew says a little too dreamily. Vi gives him a look. "I mean, you know, cause of how he always gets the girls." The potentials ignore him.

"Yeah, and Buffy's supposed to keep her soul too."

"Right, and when that goes wrong we're all dead," Rona says.

"You know, I think the girl that's been saving your butts up to this point deserves a little more respect then that," Xander says leaning against the open French doors to the living room, all faces turn to him. He's still very much not okay with the current situation, but Buffy deserves more respect then that. "Buffy has risked her life for all of us, she is the only one who can do what needs to be done to keep us safe… she makes hard decisions every day because she's the one who does what needs to be done… what she did last night, she did it to protect you all. She gave her life for you, just remember that."

Xander turns and leaves them all with that thought as he walks out toward the kitchen. Their gossiping stops completely and for a while they all just sit in silence thinking over what Xander has said. After a moment Kennedy disappears up the stairs.

--

Dawn storms down the stairs with Spike following close behind her. She makes her way to the dining room table and takes the tarot cards out of their box. They're laid across the table in what appears to be the tarot form of 52 card pick up, although with far more cards. She flips them up so she can see the pictures and spreads them across the table searching for the cards she saw in her dream. Spike walks up behind her with his brows drawn and watches as she frantically searches through the cards. Willow walks in from the kitchen then and see's Dawn looking through the tarot cards, she walks up to the dining room table to see what she's doing.

"What's going on?" Willow asks looking over the scene before her with curious eyes.

"Dunno… she just started shuffling around with those cards, said something bout a dream," Spike replies.

"Tara and Buffy were in my dream… they had tarot cards… I need to find out what they meant," Dawn says without taking her eyes off of the cards before her.

"_Tara_?" Willow asks with a wince of pain.

"There, this is it… these are the cards she showed to Buffy and these… these are the ones she pulled for me… what do these mean?" Dawn says as she finishes putting the cards in their rightful order. Willow steps up to the table and curiously looks over the two spreads that Dawn has laid out.

"Death, The Four of Swords, The World… Well death obviously would be Buffy dying."

"Yeah I got that, but I don't remember the other ones," Dawn says.

"Well actually there's more to it then that, death doesn't just mean an end to something, but the start of something new… The Four of Swords symbolizes a period of rest and it's in the present position in the spread so that makes sense with Buffy's current condition."

"What about the last one Red?" Spike asks.

"The World in the future spot… it stands for completion, the world is the whole."

"Like when she wakes up she will be whole?" Dawn questions not quite grasping the concept. She wonders how Buffy could be whole by being a vampire.

"It's hard to say exactly… tarot cards… they can be a little wonky, it all depends on how you interpret them," Willow explains.

"What about the other three?" Spike asks.

"These are the ones she pulled for me, The Three of Swords, The Five of Cups and the Star," Dawn says as Willow thinks of their meanings.

"Um… The Three of Swords is Sadness usually because of an argument, The Five of Cups is disappointment… see how in the picture three of the cups are knocked over but two still stand, it's a symbol that not all is lost, and the Star stands for hope," Willow says and she thinks over how the cards relate to their situation.

"We're supposed to keep hope," Dawn says mostly to herself.

"I think it's safe to say these three are about all of us," Spike says.

"So what do we do now?" Dawn asks wanting to take action.

"I don't know if there's anything we can do," Willow says. "You dreamed about these cards, but that doesn't mean that it was…"

"It was Buffy and Tara, I didn't just dream it up, they were really there," Dawn says cutting off Willow's sentence.

"Even if that's true Dawnie, the cards… they don't tell us what to do next. They can only offer some insight into the situation. There's nothing we can do but wait," Willow says.

Dawn's shoulders slump. She had wanted to have something to do, but instead she's only reminded that there's nothing she can do, nothing but wait. In that moment Dawn feels entirely helpless, and the thought that this situation is completely out of her control frustrates her more then anything.

--

Upstairs Kennedy peers into Buffy's room. It's empty for the first time since she and Spike went up the day before. Buffy's body is still and cold and white as the sheets that she lies upon. Kennedy's arms are crossed and she leans in the door frame. Her attention is so focused on the dead slayer before her that she fails to notice the appearance of a man at her side. He has salt and pepper hair, wears a tweed jacket and has steely gray eyes.

"This is exactly what I wanted, you know," the man says in a thick British accent. Kennedy turns to him, her face is shocked at first but then she becomes angered.

"I know you're not him… I watched him die… you might as well leave now." The First transforms from the image of Kennedy's former watcher to that of Buffy. She is as white as the corpse on the bed and the twin holes in her neck are dripping with blood.

"You're all going to die," The First says in Buffy's voice and then vanishes.

* * *

A/N: I am starting to post this at the Spuffy Realm as well where I can upload banners and will be for each chapter... It will be on here first, but look it up on there if you wanna see the art work. Thanks again to my reviewers.


	6. Rising Darkness:

**Rising Darkness: **

Dawn watches the falling sun through the living room window. She watches as the orange glowing orb moves closer to the horizon and the black and blue of the night overcome the sky. Everyone in the house is aware of the darkening atmosphere; this night's twilight has a heaviness to it that they've never felt before. There's an impending sense of fear for what will come after the darkness has taken over the sky. Fear of what Buffy will have become.

Upstairs Buffy's body is lit with the last of the warm glowing rays from the sun. As it's swallowed up by the horizon all the warm color that it's laid across her skin drains from her. Soon the sun has vanished completely from the sky and Buffy's body is left in darkness. It's then that her transformation begins. The tiny cuts and scars that cover her body like a road map from years of being the slayer smooth and vanish leaving only perfection.

Her finger nails grow in length and thickness, their tips thin to a sharp razors edge. Her muscles flex and tighten, her breasts become more firm, her joints more flexible. Every inch of her body becomes stronger, improved and enhanced. Even her eyelashes darken and curl. The transformation sweeps up her body like a cool breeze changing her completely. It affects every cell, every atom, every ounce of her being.

The little wrinkles and dark circles that had been starting to form around the slayer's eyes smooth from existence. Her lips plump, skin smoothes and a healthy glow and shine overcomes her blonde locks. In a short time Buffy goes from being dead to being reborn. Yellow eyes snap open as teeth lengthen and skin morphs into that of her vampire face.

--

Spike paces restlessly in the entry way, he strums his fingers through his hair and glances at the stairs, each time with the intention to climb them and each time failing to do so. The sun has set moments ago and everyone is anxiously waiting to see what will happen next. Then out of the corner of his eye he sees her. Spike's pacing comes to an abrupt halt and he stands at the end of the staircase looking up at her with awe. She's morphed back to her human face and slowly moves toward him step by step. As Spike watches her he's reminded of the year before when he first saw her after the scoobies brought her back. She had walked downstairs with a new life then and now she is doing it once again now.

Again Spike finds himself speechless. He stands in complete awe of her, in awe of her dazzling green eyes and milk white skin. She moves down the stairs like an angel dressed in black and Spike feels as though he should kneel before her, but he's too stunned by her beauty to do so.

Dawn, Willow and Xander stand up from their seated positions in the living room as they realize that Buffy is coming down the stairs; Giles however, remains seated, part of him doesn't want to see her like this, at least not yet, he simply isn't ready. Dawn, Willow and Xander hover in the doorway and watch her with curious eyes.

As Buffy walks down the last of the stairs a strong feeling of blood lust takes over her. She can smell the irony substance in the air from small cuts and bruises the potentials and her friends have sustained. It takes all her will not to vamp out, she doesn't want for her friends to see her like this in the most desperate way, but she finds that she is so very _hungry_.

"Buffy," Dawn says taking a hesitant step closer to her sister. Her movement disrupts the air and sends a breeze of irony air toward Buffy.

"Don't look at me," Buffy abruptly turns her face away from her sister as a growl erupts from her lips and the need to feed overcomes her features.

Spike walks up to Buffy and places a hand on her back, her sudden movements have snapped him back to reality.

"Come on pet, we'll take care of that," he says as he leads her into the kitchen. He looks behind him for a moment as they walk to see slightly hurt expressions across the scoobies faces. He offers them a reassuring look and then disappears through the doorway.

--

They stand alone in the kitchen but Buffy still has her back to Spike. She's ashamed of her face; ashamed for anyone to see her like this, even him. Even another vampire; Buffy then thinks and still can't find a way for that word to describe herself in her mind. Spike tries to get her to turn toward him, but she jerks away.

"Hey… come on now, there's no reason for you to hide from me… let me see," Spike says in a gentle voice, and his warm tone is just enough to get Buffy to turn to him, however her eyes still stare down at the ground and not up at his face. Spike reaches out to her and lifts her chin. After a moment her yellow eyes flutter up to his blue ones. He watches as they rock back and forth in their sockets trying to read his expression then he runs a thumb over the ridges on her forehead and takes in every inch of her visible transformation. For the first time Spike's fingers don't feel cold against her skin. They feel warm, as she thinks about it she realizes that it's because they are now the same temperature.

"You're beautiful... this is part of who you are now. Don't be ashamed of it… now lets get you something to eat," Spike says as he moves to the fridge and pulls out a container of blood.

The second the liquid is out of the fridge Buffy is at his side craving to drink it. Its coppery smell floats through the air enticing her and fueling her hunger. She thinks to herself how odd a feeling it is to have, to lust for blood. She watches him open the lid of the pig's blood and pour it's contents into a glass then stick it in the microwave.

"No… stop, I want to drink it cold," Buffy says putting her hand on Spike's arm; once again she notices how warm he feels. He gives her an odd look. "Drinking it warm… it's just more like if it were from a living thing… I don't…"

"I understand," Spike says as he hands Buffy the glass.

With her meal in her hand and her face contorted into a demonic mask Buffy glances at the kitchen doorway for fear that one of her friends will walk in to see her like this. Spike notices her apprehension and with out a word leads her to the basement. They sit down on the steps and close the door behind them. Finally Buffy feels comfortable enough to feed. She brings the glass to her lips and as she chugs greedily her fangs make a clanking sound as they hit the inside rim of the cup. Within seconds she's drained it; she sets the glass down on the step and wipes her lip. Then Buffy glances down at the smeared blood on her hand.

"How do you feel?" Spike asks turning to her. He watches her glare with odd fascination at the red liquid that she wiped from her lips.

"Strong… connected, like I can feel everything around me. All my senses are… sharper… but I also feel… _hungry_, and not just for blood, for power and destruction."

"That's the demon in you."

"I hate it, I feel like I'm at odds with myself." And she does, Buffy feels like within her body there is a battle raging between the slayer and the vampire that both are now a part of her – Buffy, the woman.

"It gets easier… it just takes time. You're still _you_, Buffy."

Buffy looks up at him then, her face slides back into its human form and her green eyes reemerge to meet his blue ones. Spike's glad to see life inside her eyes again, glad to see emotion there, even if that emotion is confusion and sadness. He can tell that she's finding comfort in him and he's glad to be there for her.

--

Buffy walks back into the living room now feeling like she has control over her feelings and facial expressions. The gang and potentials are all still there waiting patiently. They sit slumped into the couches and chairs, arms lay crossed or rubbing the back of necks, and discomfort runs rampant through all bodies. Then the scoobies and potentials turn to face Buffy as she enters the room and look on at her as if searching for something, but to them she looks the same, just very well rested. Sure, there are subtle differences, but most of them go unnoticed by the human eye.

"I um… this is going to take me a little getting used to. I'm sorry I ran out before, I just… I wasn't ready for you to see me and I was too… _hungry_ to control it."

"Eh, don't worry about it Buffster, as long as you don't try to eat any of us I think we're all good," Xander says in an attempt to add some humor to the situation and lift the dire mood of the room. When he sees a smile from Buffy he starts to feel a little less wigged out about the whole situation.

"So you really still have your soul then?" Dawn asks.

"Uh, well yeah… I mean I'm pretty sure I do."

"I think we would know if you didn't," Willow adds in.

"So what does it feel like to be Buffy the _Vampyre_, Vampyre Slayer?" Andrew asks and Buffy watches as all the potentials seem to open up their ears as well wanting to know the answer.

"It's hard to explain…"

"So… what do we do now?" Kennedy asks still uneasy about the whole thing.

"For the rest of tonight… nothing, I'm going to patrol later and we'll pick up with all your training tomorrow… I just need a little time to… adjust."

"No problem Buffy, anything you need just let us know," Willow says and Buffy smiles at her with a reassuring grin.


	7. Power Illuminated:

**Power Illuminated:**

From the moment Buffy steps outside it's as if her senses are on overdrive. In the house her initial bloodlust and heightened sense of smell had so much of her attention that she failed to notice just how much her other senses have improved. Every rustle of the leaves and scampering of critters in the garden is heard as are all the creatures in the gardens of the surrounding houses and the whispering of voices from within those houses. Buffy finds that if she focuses she can see the black ants running up the trunk of a tree on the other side of the yard or tune into specific conversations from all around.

Even in the dark of night the world before her appears crisper and brighter then she ever remembers it being. She can see farther and clearer then she could when she was alive, and all together the world seems more beautiful then it did before. Buffy can feel Spike moving closer to her, she can feel him differently then when she was just the slayer, she's more aware now of every step he makes and can sense even the ruffling of his coat.

"Are you ready for this?" Spike asks as he walks up beside her.

"Yeah… I need to know what I'm capable of."

"Alright then, let's find some baddies to beat."

--

A swift kick sends a newly risen vampire flying twenty feet across the graveyard and crashing into a headstone. Buffy turns back to glance at Spike then looks on to the creature that she now knows will be as easy to kill as the tulips she tried helping her mother tend to when she was twelve. Twenty feet away the vampire stands up dazedly and looks in the direction of Buffy and Spike. Buffy pulls a stake from her jacket and throws it with precision at the vampire landing it dead through his heart.

"That was way too easy," Buffy says her eyes still focused on the dust floating through the air of which she can see every particle, it's the only sign remaining that the vampire she slayed had ever existed.

"Yeah, well it looks like you'll have a chance to have a fair fight in a minute here," Spike says looking off to their right. As Buffy turns to see what he's talking about she notices an uber-vamp headed her way.

For a moment her muscles tense remembering her last fight with one of these super vampires, but then she calms herself, she's stronger now and she reminds herself that she has the strength to defeat him. For the first time that night Buffy allows her face to change and she vamps out as does Spike behind her. The Uber-vamp spots her and within seconds is running straight at her. He's moving at the same speed as the last one who attacked her but through Buffy's eyes he seems to be moving much slower. She feels like she has more time to plan her moves and more time to react. The vamp throws his arms out at her and Buffy ducks his blow. Spike just watches for a moment as she dances with the creature. It swings and growls, throws punches and kicks, but Buffy avoids them all so smoothly that to the unknowing their moves would appear rehearsed.

Then she punches him and the moment that her fist meets his face she knows that this is the strength she needs to win. The Uber-vamp goes flying back and as he does Buffy kicks him, he falls to the ground with a thump and in the time it takes him to get back up Buffy has pulled out a stake. The Uber-vamp jumps at her again but she doges his blow and while he's reeling back to throw another punch Buffy sends the stake through his chest. His thick skin causes the stake to shatter, but the force used to propel it through his body is enough for some of it to pierce his heart. The Uber-vamp looks down as his body explodes into dust.

--

Buffy and Spike left the graveyard when the sense of impending dawn sent a tingle to the back of their necks. This was a new sense to Buffy but she knew what it meant immediately. Buffy had walked back to the house with a feeling of amazement over her new powers, for the first time in months she thought to herself that they might actually have a chance to win this. That thought was a small victory in her mind for what she gave up.

Now Buffy twists and turns in bed from the images that are floating through her mind. With the sun shining bright beyond her windows, which have been covered with blankets to keep out all rays of light, Buffy tangles herself in her sheets.

--

"_Think about what it wants Buffy," Joyce's voice is clearly heard through the air._

_Twigs snare her clothing as Buffy runs through the thick green undergrowth of the forest. The mist is thick around her once again; she thinks for a moment that it should feel cool against her skin, and that it would if she weren't dead. Everything moves by in a rush as she runs, and she moves with all the speed she can muster although she can't remember why. Then through the thick white fog she sees it, someone is in front of her, but not running away from her, the thing she chases darts between the trees as if trying to tease her. A flash of blonde hair dashes through the brush and fog and Buffy picks up her speed._

"_You think you can fight me?" A voice sounds through the woods. "I am the thing the darkness fears, I am everywhere and in every thing."_

_Buffy catches a glimpse of the thing she's chasing once again. This time she can tell its human, a woman. She lets her face morph and picks up her pace tapping into her vampire speed. With yellow eyes everything becomes clearer and she can see as the woman before her darts among the foliage in a taunting zigzag._

_"I want to feel. I want to put my hands around an innocent neck and feel it crack. I want to bite off a young girl's face and feel the skin and gristle slither down my throat," the voice then says in a menacing tone._

_Buffy's speed is exuberant until the flash of blonde hair moves right before her and her feet stop moving instantly. Buffy comes to an abrupt stop; she sticks to her spot as if she were stuck in concrete and looks through her yellow eyes into the green ones before her, the green eyes that are her own. Buffy stands staring at herself, at a human version of herself._

"_Give me what I want," The first says as a twisted smirk crosses her face._

--

Buffy's eyes snap open still filled with fear and there he is before her. Buffy wraps her arms around Spike's neck as images of her dream still sizzle in her mind. She grips him tightly, then after a moment he has his arms around her as well. Soft cooing shushes flow from his lips and sooth Buffy's panicked state. Spike runs his hands across Buffy's hair and as she pulls away he kisses her forehead. Buffy then looks up at him with watery eyes and wipes away her unshed tears.

"It's alright love… it was just a dream," Spike says.

"How… how did you know?" Buffy asks.

"You and I… we're connected now Buffy… I just, I could feel you, your distress and fear and I came rushing up here."

"Because you're my sire," Buffy says as if realizing it for the first time and then she looks him straight in the eye.

For a moment time stops, for a moment they just sit there so lost in each others eyes that neither of them moves a muscle; neither breathes, not that either needs to, and neither says a word. Through the deep pools of vampire sire and chilid Buffy and Spike stare into each others souls and in that moment each actually believes they see it, they each believe that they see the spark within the others eyes. The spark that is a shimmering light, a light that shines bright and beautiful, and holds within it all the love that each is capable of giving. They sit and they stare and the air between them grows thin, then Buffy drops her gaze.

"Well, I suppose I should be going then," Spike says as he stands up from the bed feeling a little flustered from the past moment.

"Wait," Buffy says as she reaches forward and grabs Spike by the wrist," Don't go." Spike stops moving. "Can you just stay here with me?"

Spike nods and then glances around the room for a place to rest his head that is until he sees Buffy scooting over in her bed. He thinks for a moment that there's no way she could be making room for him, but then she looks up at him with those green eyes, with the windows to her soul and he knows what she wants, what she needs. A moment passes and then Spike moves to the bed and slowly, cautiously he lies down beside Buffy. Once his head hits the pillow Buffy curls up next to him and rests her head on his chest. Her eyes flutter shut and Spike reaches his arm around to hold her back. Within moments she's fallen back asleep and soon after that so has Spike. For the rest of the sunlit hours of the day there they lay silent and sleeping simply taking comfort in each others presence.

--

Heaviness runs through Spike's bones in the night and his eyes snap open. He has the feeling that someone is watching him and he's right. As his eyes open he sees the First, wearing Buffy's skin standing at the end of the bed. An evil twisted grin crosses its face giving it a malevolent look that Buffy herself could never possess. Cautiously Spike untangles Buffy's limbs from his own and slides the slumbering Slayer off his chest then sits at the edge of the bed with his profile to the First and his eyes facing the door.

"Think this means something," the First says. "That because she let you lay beside her that _you_ mean _something_… don't get ahead of yourself now Spikey… You know, after that little basement incident when I couldn't get you to kill her," the First lets out a scoff, "Got you to kill half the town but not her… I was starting to think that you'd never sink your fangs into that… if only I'd known it'd be this easy."

"Why are you here… to taunt me some more?" Spike turns to face the First and it smiles back at him from his response.

"I'm here to tell you that you've done exactly what I wanted you to."

* * *

A/N: Thanks again to my reviewers, also to clear up any confusion when was turned no potentials were turned into slayers because the slayer line doesn't run through Buffy anymore, it runs through Faith. Thats why when she died in Season 5 there wern't any new slayers.


	8. Nightlife:

**Nightlife: **

No one had seen Spike make his way into Buffy's room when she was having her daymare, but now just moments before sunset Xander notices him exit. Xander had been moving from the dining room into the living room but when he heard Buffy's door open and close he stopped in the entryway and now watches Spike make his way down the stairs. The blonde vampire catches Xander's stare and notices that his mouth has fallen open.

"Spike, what the hell were you doing in her room?" Xander asks accusingly.

"Oh not now Harris."

"Just because she wanted you to… to do what you did, that doesn't mean that you can use your vampire mind control tricks on her too." Xander steps up into Spike's face.

"Oh please, you are so out of line… you have no sodding clue what you're talking about you git."

Willow then walks into the entrance way where Spike and Xander are starring each other down.

"Hey, what's going on?" Willow says in an annoyed tone.

"Buffy, had a bad dream." Spike replies flatly without taking his eyes off Xander.

"_He_ was in her room… and how would you know she had a bad dream anyway?"

"Xander calm down okay." Willow says.

"I know she had a bad dream because I'm her _sire_… I just… I can sense things like that, and trust me if that girl didn't want me in her room…" Xander scoffs cutting off Spike's sentence.

"Right, she _wanted_ you there."

"Look Harris, I don't need…"

"Hey!" Willow yells and both men turn to face her. "Stop it now. Xander, living room, Spike basement," neither moves. "Now," Willow then says and they depart.

--

Willow sits down next to a slightly fuming Xander in the living room. She wonders how long she'll have to play peace maker before Xander realizes that Buffy and Spike have something between them that he can't do anything about. Willow doesn't really like the idea of Spike being in Buffy's room anymore then Xander does, but she does understand that Spike is the only one here right now that can help her through what she's dealing with. He's the only one who's been through it himself. When things got bad for her with magic the year before going to England and having people around her who understood the addiction helped her through it and Willow knows that Buffy needs Spike for that same reason.

"You know, I really hate that guy sometimes," Xander says as Willow sits beside him.

"Xander." Willow's voice is soft.

"What don't tell me you're taking his side now?"

"No, Xander, there are no sides to take… look, I just think that this whole thing with Buffy is affecting Spike just like it is the rest of us, remember how upset he was when She first told us what she wanted to do."

"Yeah, right, except now that it's done with he has her to stalk and obsess over for the rest of eternity."

"_Xander_."

"No, just stop okay." Xander stands up and starts to walk off.

"Hey, I'm not defending him, but you need to lighten up."

"_I_ need to lighten up?" Xander spins back to face Willow.

"He's the only one who understands what she's going through… you may not like it but she needs him right now."

Xander is silent. His lips form into a thin line and then he stalks off to the dining room. Willow lets out a deep breath. She's not sure what to do in this situation, she wants what's best for Buffy but she also knows that Buffy hasn't made the best decisions concerning Spike in the past. At the same time however, Willow does believe that Spike has changed and that they've both learned from their mistakes in the past. She just hopes that she's right in thinking that her and Spike should be on good terms with each other.

--

Buffy's eyes flutter open. She had slept through the rest of her day peacefully without and more dreams to plague her. She knows that her quiet sleep was because of the man she had slept beside and so she's surprised to wake up alone. Buffy sits upright in bed and glances around the room in search of Spike, and even though her room is pitch black she still manages to see that he's not there. Buffy gets out of bed and gets dressed.

--

Slowly Buffy makes her way down the stairs. The house is quieter then usual, but still there is plenty for her to hear; breathing in the next room, thrumming heartbeats, girls talking in the backyard, and various other meaningless sounds of the house squeaking and the wind blowing. Buffy turns the corner moving through the French doors into the living room where Willow and Dawn wait.

"Buffy, you're up." Dawn says.

"Oh, uh the girls are outside warming up with Xander and Anya." Willow says thinking that Buffy is wondering where they were.

"I know. I can hear them… I'm gonna take them out for a patrol."

"Right yeah," Dawn says with disappointment. She had wanted some time to spend with her sister.

"When I get back though we can hang for a little bit okay." Dawn's face lights up.

"Okay."

Buffy walks past Giles and Andrew researching at the dining table casting them smiles along the way. She moves through the kitchen to the back door where she can hear Xander mumbling something discouraging about Spike in a whispered voice to Anya. Then Buffy stops. She looks at the basement door and thinks for a moment of going down to talk to Spike, but she isn't sure what she would say. She wants to know why he had left before she woke up, but the words of how to phrase it escape her. Buffy isn't exactly sure why it bothers her that he left, all she knows it that it does. She turns toward the back door then and walks out into the night.

--

Their patrol went on just as it had when Buffy had been human. This time, however, she felt less nervous about taking the slayerettes into the open- less worried. Buffy knew she was strong enough to protect them if she needed to. In the cemetery the potentials ganged up on two newly risen vampires and Buffy had watched as they took them both down. She had full control of her face having eaten before they left and the night moved on without a hitch. Now Buffy leads the way with a group of excited teenage girls who talk amongst themselves over their latest victory as they near the door to the Summer's residence.

Buffy opens the door and enters the house watching as the girls flutter into the living room. A small smile crosses her face in relief that they've made it through another day alive, but also because she feels like they now have a chance of winning.

Buffy walks into the dinning room to see Dawn sitting alone at the table. She's paging through a book on demonology and seems completely engrossed in her research until Buffy enters. A smile crosses Dawn's face as Buffy sits down beside her.

"Watcha reading?" Buffy asks.

"I'm just looking for anything we missed… I had a dream while you were… when you were upstairs the other night. I realized that you were right and that this had to happen so I wanted to see if with the new circumstances… if there was anything."

"Oh."

"You know you don't seem any different." Dawn closes her book.

"I feel different, but yeah, I'm still me."

"I'm glad." Buffy and Dawn share a smile. "Buffy, what's going to happen after, I mean, assuming we all make it through this?" Buffy is silent for a moment as she thinks over Dawn's question.

"I don't know… hopefully things will go back to normal and I guess I'll have to find a job that I can work nights at and… Oh, my job!" Images of her date with Principal Wood as well as his visit to the house flood Buffy's brain.

"It's okay Buffy… we called you in. We told him the battle with the First is on hold and that you'd call if anything came up," It was a lame excuse, Dawn knew it, but she hadn't been able think of anything better to tell the man at the time. "… and that's not what I meant… what happens with everyone who's here now?"

"Like the potentials… I guess they'll go back home. Giles will probably leave."

"What about Spike? Will he stay when there's no reason to be here anymore?"

Buffy is silent for a moment. She knows the only reason Spike came back was because the First led him here and the only reason he stays is because he knows he can lend a hand. However, things are different now. Buffy wonders if anything has changed and then she realizes that she really does hope he stays. Buffy realizes that she wants Spike to be there when things go back to normal.

"I'm not sure Dawnie… that's up to Spike."

"Yeah I know, but I mean… the only reason he would go would be because we would want him to right… so if we wanted him to stay he would right?"

"I thought you were mad at Spike?"

"Not anymore… I understand, I mean I don't understand why he tried to do… what he did to you last year, but I understand that he's a different person now… that he wouldn't do that again… I just don't want him to leave again." Buffy is silent again for a moment.

"I don't think I do either."

--

The stairs creek as Buffy makes her way into the basement. One hanging light bulb is lit below, but without the light from the sun shining through the small windows the room is very dark. However, that's not at all a problem for Buffy now. She can see every detail of the room as if she were looking into the light of day. Buffy reaches the end of the stairs and turns to face Spike who's sitting on his cot. His back is flat against the wall and his coat is lying beside him. He smiles at her as she comes into view.

"Slayer."

"Vampire."

"I could say the same to you." Buffy smiles. "What brings you down into the dark and dank tonight?"

"Everyone's going to bed, but…"

"Right… you're on my time schedule now."

"Yup."

Buffy slowly moves father into the room. Spike watches every step she makes. Then after a moments hesitation she takes a seat next to him on the cot and Spike moves his duster to give her space. Spike turns his head to look at Buffy and she turns to face him, then they both look away.

"So what do you do when everyone else is sleeping?"

"Well, under normal circumstances a vampire doesn't spend much time with people who sleep at night, but there's never been anything normal about our circumstance… over time you adjust… sure I get bored sometimes, but it's not so bad… of course there is _one_ thing we could do to help the time fly by." A smirk crosses Spike's face.

Buffy stares at Spike with a shocked face. She wasn't expecting innuendos or sexual references from him just now. Sure they had shared a night together before he turned her, but she thought she had made it obvious what it was about.

"I was referring to having a drink love," Spike then clarifies as he pulls out a bottle of Jack Daniels from beneath the cot.

"Oh." Buffy realizes that if her face could flush that it would be bright as a tomato right now. For once she's glad that there isn't any blood rushing through her veins to give away her embarrassment.

"I know the other night was just cold comfort… don't fret about it. My mind is clear." For some reason hearing Spike say it like that makes Buffy want to argue with him. Some part of her wants to say that it wasn't about cold comfort, but then again that's what she's been telling herself so she keeps her mouth shut.

"Right, yeah."

Spike untwists the cap on the bottle, takes a swig and hands the bottle out to Buffy. She stares at it for a moment and thinks over her options. Normally the word 'no' would have already of spilled from her lips, but Spike is right about one thing. Things that she would normally do don't apply to her anymore. Buffy grabs the bottle and takes a drink. She realizes that it doesn't taste as strong as when she was human, but then realizes that that makes sense since anything other then blood tastes bland and flavorless to her now.

"How are you doing?" Spike then asks with sincerity in his voice.

"I'm… adjusting." Buffy takes another swig and the two of them sit together in a comfortable silence for a while.

* * *

A/N: In response to a question of how I'm posting this so fast... My secret is that this fic is already written. I never start posting anything until I'm either done with it or at least a few chapters in, I like knowing the end is in sight so that I don't leave anything unfinished. Although I usually don't post chapters quite as fast as I have been with this fic, I think some days it's been like two chapters a day. That's unusual for me, but I want to Nominate this fic at the Spuffy Awards for Best Buffy with Bite and it needs to be finished by the 15th. So, that's what the rush is about. That said once it's nominated I'd love for all of you to vote for it. :)


	9. Daymares:

**Daymares: **

Buffy had made her way up to her room just moments before sunrise and now she lies in her bed tossing and turning unable to sleep. The time she spent with Spike hours before she vanished into her room had kept her calm, but now without him there she feels anxious and fearful of the dreams that she knows will plague her mind once she lets her exhaustion defeat her. Buffy fights back her panicked thoughts and manages to get a few hours of sleep in, however they are hours that are short lived for as she feels the daymares creeping into her slumbering consciousness she snaps awake again and again.

By eight am Buffy realizes that she isn't going to find any real rest this morning, but that's alright. Her need for sleep is a lot less then it was when she was human and so she decides to get up and see what's going on amongst the living.

--

Buffy makes her way to the end of the stairs. In the living room she can hear Willow, Dawn and Giles talking amongst themselves. Through the floor board below her she can hear Xander and Anya giving the slayers in training a lesson of some kind of which Andrew keeps interrupting with what sounds like Star Wars references. Outside a woman is walking her dog while listening to a walkman, down the street a car fails to stop at the sign and in the kitchen leaning against the back door Spike is smoking a cigarette.

"Thought you'd still be sleeping," Spike says without turning to face Buffy as she walks into the kitchen. "You sleep a lot more when you're young… not so much by the time you get as old as me."

"Can't sleep." Spike turns to face Buffy then, a look of intrigue crosses his face.

"That so?"

"I keep having nightmares… or well, daymares I suppose."

"Right, so you thought you'd come walk around among the living for a while… or I guess not since you're in here with me."

"I just… I don't know."

Buffy finds herself flustered, she's not sure what led her into the kitchen instead of the living room where her friends are. She's not sure why she came to talk to Spike instead of them. She looks into his blue eyes from across the room as if searching for an explanation in them; however she doesn't have enough time to find one as she hears Giles's voice behind her.

"Buffy, you're up… good." Buffy turns to face Giles. "I wanted to go over a few things with you."

"Oh, okay… what do you need?"

"I wanted to go over the dream you had that led you to… to make this decision, and see if there's anything else you dreamt that would be of use."

"You should probably tell him about the other ones too pet," Spike says.

"You've had other dreams?"

"Uh, yeah… the night, or well _day_ before last and then I couldn't sleep today, I kept waking up."

"Well that is interesting… we must look into this immediately."

--

Buffy takes her place in the living room where Xander and Anya have also joined Willow and Dawn. Giles and Spike follow after Buffy. Willow, Xander, Anya and Dawn take up the couch and lay comfortably sprawled across it. Spike leans in the doorframe looking over the room while Buffy and Giles take their seats in the two arm chairs. Buffy sits down and finds herself unable to sit comfortably. She looks at Giles with uneasy eyes waiting for his questioning to begin. The only sign of comfort Buffy has in the room is from Spike standing against the frame of the French doors.

"Alright… why don't you start by running through the first of your dreams," Giles says.

"Whoa, wait, there are more?" Xander asks.

"Oh, uh, yeah, there's two… I mean I dreamt a little this morning, but I don't remember any of it." Buffy pauses for a moment then sees that all eyes are on her. "Ok… so my dream. I was walking in the woods and I saw a light, but then Spike was there."

"The evil undead was in your dream?" Buffy ignores Xander's accusing tone.

"You said," Buffy's now looking at Spike as she speaks, "that I should let you lead me into the darkness… and then Mom was there and my face was changed and… she told me this is what I needed to do to win, and that's it."

"Well… that's very interesting," Giles says.

"What about your other dream?" Willow asks.

"Yes… I think we've already seen the outcome from your first dream."

"I um… I was in the same woods, but I was running… no, I was chasing someone and we were moving so fast, and then we stopped and I was looking at her, at me… it was the First."

"Did it say anything?" Giles asks leaning in.

"Yeah, yeah it did… it said _give me what I want_." Kennedy's eyes open wide as she hears the phrase since the First has said similar things to her as well.

"What does it want?" Dawn asks.

"To make all our lives miserable obviously," Anya chimes in.

"It said something else; um… something about killing people or being able to kill people, but it was more specific then that. I don't remember exactly… does that make any sense to you guys?"  
"Was it something like it wanted to feel a neck crack in its hands or taste the blood of its victims?" Spike asks.

"Yeah."

"It's said similar things like that to me."

"What does that mean?" Dawn asks.

"It wants to be corporeal… the first is formless, it wants to have a shape." Willow says.

"Exactly… it wants the one thing it doesn't have." Giles says.

"To physically kill people?" Xander asks with a slightly disgusted face.

"Yes exactly… Buffy this has been very helpful… Willow, Dawn will you help me in the dining room? I have a few theories I want to research."

--

Buffy is sitting on the back porch steps in the safety of the shade. She looks out into the sunlit yard and realizes that this is the closest she will ever get to feeling the warm rays of the sun on her skin ever again. She's focusing on a tiny white butterfly dashing about and finds herself jealous of it. It flutters around the last of her mom's tulips which still bloom, there used to be more but ever since her mom died they haven't gotten the care they've needed. The line of the shadow is a barrier that she will never again be allowed to pass. Buffy listens as the door behind her squeaks. Spike steps out onto the porch and sits down beside her.

"It's weird to think that I can't just walk across the yard right now, that if I did I'd go up in flames," Buffy says.

"You get used to it after a while."

"Do you ever stop missing it?"

"Walking in the sun? No… not ever." Both Buffy and Spike are silent for a moment.

"Come on, lets get out of here," Spike says as he stands up.

"What? Where are we gonna go, its daytime."

"I'll show you." Spike puts a hand out to Buffy who's still sitting on the steps. She looks at it for a moment then takes it and he helps her to her feet.

--

Willow notices Buffy and Spike walk toward the front door with blankets in each of their hands. A look of confusion crosses the red head's face and she stops in her tracks to watch the pair prepare to leave.

"Uh, Buffy… are you going somewhere?"

"We're going out… I'll be back in a little while, I promise."

Spike glances at Willow then pulls the door open and runs out into the light of day throwing the blanket over his head in the process. Buffy watches him for a moment and then does the same. Willow makes it to the door just in time to see them disappearing into the electrical tunnel through a man hole and after a moment of shocked staring she closes the door.

--

The smoldering of her exposed fingertips when the sun touched them had felt just as painful and hot as she imagined it would, but the burns on her uncovered hands were healed by the time her feet landed on the floor of the dark electrical tunnel. Buffy and Spike left their blankets strewn across the ladder that led up the manhole once Spike explained that they would not need them where they were going. Now they walk through the pitch black tunnel toward a destination that to Buffy is still unknown.

"So where are we going?" Buffy asks following beside Spike.

"Look, I… I know I can never make up for taking the sun away from you, but there are a few things that you've gained being a vampire… I'm taking you to where I can show you that it's not _so_ bad to be what we are."

"So in other words that's an _I'm gonna be vague and not tell you_ line then?"

"You'll just have to wait and see Summers."

--

Buffy isn't sure exactly how long they'd been walking but what she does know is that she's getting restless. Time seems to drag on and yet be completely meaningless all the same, then their course changes. Buffy has followed Spike as he moved down the tunnel walking down various corridors and moving without hesitation, but now they are not walking into another branch of the tunnel system. In the side of the tunnel is a hole, a rough rocky hole, and Spike turns to walk down it. Buffy pauses for a moment, but then continues to follow. The hole is a little smaller then the tunnel, but also shorter. Soon Buffy can see light at the end.

The hole ends. Buffy and Spike stop to look out over the ocean, the makeshift tunnel runs through a cliff and lets out twenty feet above the surface of the sea. Above them the rock formation that the tunnel runs through juts out father then where they're standing casting the surrounding area in shadow. A cool breeze pushes Buffy's hair back as she looks out at the shimmering blue salt water. It's a beautiful spot; however Buffy is still unsure as to why she's here. Then, Buffy notices Spike taking off his leather coat. He throws it to the side and then starts to untie his shoes.

"What the hell are you doing?" Buffy asks as Spike sets his shoes to the side.

"Just trust me okay," Spike asks as he stares Buffy straight in the eyes. She's apprehensive at first but then her features soften. "Take off your shoes." Buffy removes her shoes and sets them aside as Spike takes off his shirt.

"_Spike_," Buffy says in alarm from Spike's half naked appearance.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, this is all I'm taking off… you however might want to loose your shirt." Buffy gives Spike the evil eye, but then removes her shirt so that she's only wearing her jeans and a white cammi.

"So what are we doing?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Spike reaches forward and grabs Buffy's hands. "Do you trust me?"

Buffy searches Spike's eyes for a moment as he takes her hands in his. She knows she shouldn't trust him, not after what happened last year, but things are different now and his words are sincere. He's different now and he's also the only person who understands what she is.

"Yes," Buffy says softly.

Buffy feels Spike's grasp on her wrists tighten and then her arm is jerked. Buffy's feet fall out from under her and then _everything_ falls out from under her. The ocean breeze rushes at her from all angles and her hair flies wildly in all directions. Spike has jumped off the edge pulling Buffy with him and now they are both falling toward the water. It feels like they're falling forever and the fear that rushes through Buffy is exhilarating. Then they hit the salty seawater and find themselves deep beneath the Ocean's surface.

Buffy finds herself startled and afraid for a moment, however she soon realizes that without the need to breath being underwater is quite fascinating. The salt doesn't hurt her eyes and the weightless feeling as she moves is incredible. Buffy looks at Spike as she swims, he's smiling at her and she smiles back. Buffy follows Spike beneath the water as he swims farther out to sea and is unable not to notice the way his muscles flex with every stroke he makes.

Soon they are past where the cliff casts a shadow over the ocean and the rays of the sun shine through the water. Buffy realizes in that moment what this is all about. She is fascinated by the glimmering gold light and stares up at the sun through the surface of the water and closes her eyes allowing herself to bask in its glow, even if it's through the water. She feels warmer here then in the shaded part of the sea, and Buffy knows it's because of the sun. She smiles as she thinks that she is once again warmed by its rays. Spike looks on at her as she dances in the water. He took the sun away from her, but it feels good to give it back, even in such a small sense.

* * *

A/N: This story will be about 20 chapters long... It's not _completely_ finished yet, but it's close... still though, don't let that discourage you from offering advice. I'm constantly making changes before I post chapters and there's always room to add in an idea I like.


	10. Divulging Dark Theories:

**Divulging Dark Theories:**

After their daylight swim Buffy and Spike had climbed the cliff back up to the tunnel to head back home. Their clothes and hair dried for the most part on the walk back, but they both knew when they walked through the door that everyone noticed their wet appearance; no one, however, asked anything about it, even Xander kept his mouth closed. Spike disappeared to the basement for the rest of the night while Buffy took the slayers in training out for a patrol. Her night moved on once again without a hitch and her daytime swim boosted her mood and raised her hopes even higher. Something inside her told her that she would win this; something inside her knew that she would succeed.

After patrolling Buffy hung around the kitchen with the scoobies while the potentials settled into the living room, then soon they left to sleep as well and Buffy was left alone. She poured herself up a mug of blood and sipped away at it slowly wanting to waste time. Now it's only a mere hour before dawn and Buffy is feeling exhausted, however she fears the dreams that will infect her thoughts if she allows herself to fall asleep. The only time she's ever slept soundly recently was when Spike was beside her after he came up to wake her from her nightmare.

Buffy washes out her glass in the sink and then stands before the basement door eyeing it up intensely. She reaches for the door knob and then stops. She hesitates for a moment then reaches her hand the rest of the way forward to turn the knob and opens the door.

Buffy walks down into the basement and sees Spike sitting in his usual position on the cot. He looks surprised to see her, but his face relaxes quickly and he smiles at her as she nears him.

"Hello love."

"It's um… getting late, or well early I suppose."

"Yeah… I have realized, I was about to hit the hay when you walked down… why aren't you doing the same?"

"I um…" Buffy's eyes flutter down to the ground. "I don't want to sleep alone." Buffy pauses for a moment before looking back up at the blonde vampire before her.

"That so?"

"Yeah… I was wondering if you would… if you'd come lay with me, like you did the other night." Buffy's words are still slightly nervous, but Spike's smile calms her. He doesn't respond to her question. He simply stands and follows Buffy up the stairs.

--

Buffy wakes fully rested in Spike's arms. She's cuddled up against his chest, her head resting on the soft cotton of his shirt and she cant think of anything that would make her more comfortable right now. Buffy can tell the sun is still shining beyond her windows but knows it will set in a few hours. Something in her has changed; there is a happiness within her that hasn't been there since before her death and her relationship with Spike is more muddled then it's ever been. They're more then friends, but they aren't lovers. He's her sire, but also her confidant. Buffy doesn't know exactly what to think of what they mean to each other, but she knows it means something. Buffy looks at Spike's sleeping form taking is his tousled blond curls and then cautiously gets out of bed without waking him.

--

Principal Wood turns the corner in his grey sedan headed toward Revello Drive. Having not seen Buffy since his visited her house after their date nearly two weeks ago has him worried. He wants to help in the upcoming battle. He wants to be a part of the mission that his mother gave her life for. Wood knows that not showing up for work must be slayer-related and Dawn's excuse of things with the First being _on hold_ doesn't make any sense, and now her sister has stopped attending, that must mean that they're close to waging an attack. So why hasn't she called to ask for his help? Something in the back of his mind tells him that it's the vampire's fault. Something's been whispering in his ears while he sleeps. That vampire was the same one that killed his mother, he knows it, and Buffy is working beside him. But, now she's basically disappeared. Wood drives toward Buffy's home seeking answers.

When her house comes into view Wood decides to park across the street for a short while to see if anything suspicious happens. After all Buffy's actions lately have been very odd. He can see into her living room through the large front window. People are moving around inside, girls mostly, potential slayers Wood assumes. Then he sees her. Buffy comes into sight and Wood is about to get out of his car and go inside seeking answers when suddenly something stops him. Buffy's hand moves into the sunlight that's shining in through the window and her hand starts on fire. The principal's eyes bulge. He isn't sure he can believe what he's seeing, and then he watches as _he_ is at her side. The blonde one, the one who killed his mother, is there comforting her out of nowhere. That is all Wood needs to see to show him that Buffy has switched sides. He drives off.

--

The smoke can still be seen in the air as Xander quickly closes the blinds. Spike holds Buffy's smoking hand in his, and audible gasps sounds around the room. All eyes are glued on the blonde duo facing each other before them. Anya, Willow and Kennedy sit on the sofa while the rest of the scoobies flutter around the room.

"Are you alright love?" Spike asks as if they were they only two people in the room.

"Yeah, I'm fine now… it was an accident." Spike still holds Buffy's hand in his. "Really, I'm alright."

Buffy smiles and Spike lets go of his grasp on her. They stare at each other for another second and then Buffy turns to face the room and Spike moves to lean against the wall.

"Sorry about that Buffster." Xander says.

"It's okay… it's not your fault. I just need to be more careful… and it's almost sunset anyway."

"Buffy, we have something I think you need to hear," Giles says drawing the conversation into a serious tone.

"What is it?"

"I have a theory… As it seems the First's goal is to become corporeal and to do this it must set the scales of Good and Evil further out of balance. When Willow brought you back we unbalanced things." Willow looks a little upset and Buffy notices.

"So wait, all we have to do is set things in balance again and poof no more annoying ghost-y First?" Xander asks.

"Well yes, but…"

"Hold up a sec… wouldn't killing Buffy do that, seeing as bringing her back set it all off in the first place?" Spike asks.

"Hey now!" Xander interjects.

"Can it whelp, what I'm saying is that Buffy is technically _dead_ now."

"Oh."

"Yes, well I was getting to that part," Giles says. "As it seems Buffy's death, again, has shifted the balance, however, it's made it more unbalanced. Becoming a vampire may have physically killed your body, but it didn't remove you from this plane of existence. What it did do however was make you stronger and faster… Becoming a vampire has weighed the scales on our side significantly."

"So in other words the First is that much closer to achieving it's goal… _great_," Buffy says as she crosses her arms and sucks in her cheeks unhappy from that bit of news.

"Makes sense since the First hasn't shown its face around her recently," Kennedy says. "It wanted this… we're helping it."

"Well yes… but I was thinking. Maybe, allowing that to happen will allow us to defeat it," Giles adds.

"If the First was corporeal you could fight it." Dawn then says turning to Buffy.

"Would that work? I mean… if I was able to kill it wouldn't it set the world out of balance more?"

"I'm not positive about this, but from what I've found I think not… If the first becomes solid then all it's evil energy will be focused in that one being. If the being is destroyed then the evil energy will still exist, it will just go elsewhere."

"Well, where's it gonna go, cause I think we have enough evil energy around this place." Anya asks.

"In theory? Everywhere… what I believe will happen is that the evil will divide evenly and go into every being in this dimension and every other."

"So it'll make everyone _more _evil?" Dawn asks.

"Technically yes… but with all the dimensions that exist it would be a very small amount. I doubt it would be noticeable."

"Oh, okay so we'll all only be a little bit more evil," Xander says sarcastically. "I can live with that."

"No, that's really not a bad plan; I mean yeah I certainly don't want to be any more evil. I've kinda had my fair share of Evil-Willow-ness already, but people are all capable of being evil already and if you think about all the dimensions that exist then… well I don't think the little bit of evil energy that it would add to everyone would be enough to really change anything." Willow says.

"That was precisely my idea," Giles says.

"Okay, good," Buffy says. "That's a plan at least… I don't know, I don't like the whole evil thing, but… it's the only plan we have so far… lets do some more research and try and get these theories looking more fact-like."

--

Buffy waits on the back steps, her usual place to hide when she needs a moment alone. The potentials are inside warming up with stretches before their patrol while Buffy sits on the steps with her arms around her folded legs. She rests her chin atop her knees and stares up at the stars twinkling in the sky. Once again she hears the creak of the door as it opens behind her and Spike steps out. She knows it's him immediately as she always does. He always seems to come around when she's alone. Spike takes a seat next to Buffy and stares up at the stars from beside her.

"When did everything get flipped upside down?" Buffy asks.

"What do you mean love?"

"I'm the _slayer_, I'm supposed to slay vampires not become one… I'm supposed to protect people from evil, not juice them all up with a little bit more of it… I just… Things are just so grey now. I don't know if I'm making the right decisions anymore."

"Buffy, you're making the right decisions."

"I just don't know." Spike turns to Buffy and grabs her face in his hands.

"Hey now, listen to me… this world has never been black and white, you and I both know that. What you are now doesn't change who you are… being a vampire doesn't make you any less Buffy. It doesn't make you any less the slayer. You're still you and if you trust your heart you'll make the right decisions… I know you will. That's just what you do."

Buffy looks into Spike's brilliant blue eyes as he speaks, his words are honest and true and Buffy knows it; she melts in that moment and all her worries seem to vanish. She wonders just how it is that he's able to make everything better in just one sentence. She wonders how he always knows just what to say. He's right and Buffy know it. She's still herself, but hearing him say it is what makes it true for her. A small smile crosses Buffy's face then she leans in and gives Spike a short sweet peck on the lips. Spike is surprised. He simply watches as she pulls away, stands up then and heads back into the house. Spike sits on the steps for a few more minuets in silence thinking about things between himself and his chilide.


	11. Don't go Toward the Light:

**Don't go Toward the Light:**

A pounding noise sounds from the condemned farm house at the end of Bolen Avenue echoing off its ancient walls. Robin Wood holds a hammer in his hand within the house nailing crosses to the walls. Now that Buffy - the slayer, has switched sides, as Wood believes, he knows that the First will win, and while Wood is positive that he can't take out the great evil on his own, he think just maybe he can take out Buffy and Spike and keep them from helping it out. Vendetta fuels every hit he makes turning the farm house into a formidable fortress of death, well death for the undead at least; even if he doesn't make it out alive after this he doesn't expect them to either.

--

Once again Buffy and Spike found themselves sleeping side by side to ward off Buffy's nightmares, and once again she slept soundlessly. In the early hours of the morning, just after Buffy had dozed off, Spike was sure he had heard Buffy's door open as someone peeked in to see what they were doing. However, if they had been expecting to see something interesting they would have been let down.

A few odd looks had passed them after they got up that afternoon just before sunset, but no one said a word. Now they sit side by side in the kitchen at the island eating breakfast while everyone else has their dinner in the dining room or, for the potentials, in the living room. Buffy had refused to sit by anyone other then Spike still not wanting them to see her feed. She didn't vamp out this time, but the thought of having her friends watch her drink blood bothered her more then she liked. Over the last few days, despite the odd turning of events that have happened, the house has fallen into a smooth and comfortable routine, and so far that comfortable routine is all they have since they've found few leads on how to make the First corporeal and what they do have needs to be translated.

Buffy has her mug up to her lips when the phone starts to ring. For a moment she thinks to herself that she's surprised that the phone hasn't been shut off yet then she sets her mug down and goes to answer it.

"Hello," Buffy says.

"_Buffy,"_ A voice says through the receiver.

"Principal Wood?" Buffy chokes up trying to remember what Dawn had told him about why she wasn't coming to work anymore.

"_It's alright Buffy, I know you're not visiting family, I'm calling because I figured you had stopped coming to work because of slayer related business and I think I've seen something you should investigate."  
_  
"I'm listening."

"_There's a house at the end of Bolen Avenue, it's down past…"_

"I know where it is." Buffy remembers walking down the Avenue many nights on patrol, it was filled with decrepit houses which vampires sometimes took up as nests, one of which she and Spike had demolished over a year ago the first time they…

"_The one at the end of the row with blue shudders… something shifty is going on there. I think you need to check it out. I'd bring your strongest fighter with you but no one else… the guys, or things I've seen go in there look really dangerous." _

"Do you know what's going on there?"

"_I haven't gone inside, but I've set up watch there for two nights now… Buffy, sometimes they bring people in and they don't come back out."_

"Thanks, I'll check it out." Wood hangs up then without saying another word.

--

Silently Buffy and Spike move past the rundown houses on Bolen Avenue. They move beneath the lights of the yellowed street lamps, their shadows flow behind them following them down the road. A half crushed house comes up on their left and they both pause for a moment. Memories flash behind Buffy's eyes of slamming Spike against a wall and falling through floorboards. Buffy closes her eyes for a moment wanting to force the thoughts out of her mind and concentrate on the mission at hand. Spike places his hand on her shoulder and they pick up their pace inclosing upon the house at the end of the row.

The place seems inconspicuous enough after they walk through the front door, but as it slams shut behind them they know something's wrong. Buffy looks around the room, she and Spike are the only ones there. It's soundless; soundless, except for one single heartbeat. They've been led into a trap and Buffy has just realized it. She glances at Spike to see a look of fear and confusion across his face.

"What the blood hell." Buffy follows Spike's view and for the first time sees that the walls are covered in crosses of various shapes and sizes, some metal some wood, some ornate others plain. Buffy also notes that the room smells of gasoline and when she tries to open the door she finds that it's solidly locked and most likely barricaded from the outside.

"What do we do now?"

"Bugger if I know, but we need to get out of here."

"I think Wood set us up… He must have found out… he must have seen me at some point and known."

"He thinks we've switched sides… come on, maybe there's a way out the back."

Buffy follows Spike through the house. She feels uneasy as they move. When Buffy was alive the symbols that fill the walls used to represent something good, something pure, they were a symbol of the good in this world, a symbol that would burn the evil; and it's not that they are not that still but now they're also a symbol that will burn her. The religious things that can harm Buffy such as crosses and holy water are the hardest for her to acknowledge, harder than the sun. Having those things hurt her makes her wonder if there's anything left for her after this life. Buffy wonders even with all the good that she's done if simply by being a vampire she will be locked from Heaven's gates. Even though Buffy has been there before she doesn't know if what she's become will ever allow her to return. She doesn't know if she'll ever be able to rest in peace.

The back door comes into sight. It's covered in crosses just as the rest of the room which makes it hard to find against the wall. The door knob has been removed and surely it's securely shut, but Buffy and Spike continue walking toward it none the less. Darkness, the lights go out. Before reaching the door Buffy and Spike spin in search of the cause of the blackness but their eyes are slow to adjust.

"I'm really not liking the looks of this slayer."

"Me neither." Buffy then notices a soft glow on the floor, a speck of light. "What's that there?" She moves toward it, then slips.

"I don't know." Spike's words seem farther away as the ground beneath Buffy disappears and she falls through the floor. Buffy lets out an oomph and Spike can tell that she's not beside him any longer. "Buffy!" he yells. Fear floods his mind. Thoughts of a moat of holy water or pit of stakes run rampant in his brain.

"I'm okay," Buffy calls back up. "I think I'm in the basement."

Buffy gets off the ground and lets her eyes adjust. She sees the light that she had spotted earlier; it's a flashlight lying on its side. Buffy picks it up and spins it around the room, even though her eyes are strong enough to see without it. Upon looking around she sees that the staircase has been destroyed and again crosses cover the walls.

"Where the hell did this guy get so many crosses," Buffy says absentmindedly.

Upstairs Spike is staring down into the hole in the floor watching Buffy look around the basement.

"I've been saving them for years," A voice calls from behind Spike. Buffy looks up through the hole and Spike spins around. "I see my trap worked," Principal Wood says with a crossbow raised to shoot Spike. "I wasn't sure you'd come."

"I wouldn't shoot that if I were you," Spike says.

"And just why is that?"

"You'll be dead before the arrow leaves the bow, and I really wasn't planning on killing you."

"Doesn't matter."

"Doesn't it?"

"The second you come after me all I have to do is hit this," Wood holds up a metal object strapped to his hand with a red button on it. "Then this whole place blows."

"Spike, what's going on?" Buffy calls from below, but Spike ignores her.

"And Buffy falling down there that's all part of the game then? You wanted to separate us? Why?"

"Well Spike, I've been searching for you for a very long time." Wood's voice is smooth and calm. "You see, you killed my mother."

"I've killed a lot of people's mothers."

"Yeah, you'd remember mine… she was a slayer."

"Right then, so this is about me… so just let Buffy go then."

"No Spike, this isn't just about you anymore. You turned her didn't you, killed her just like my mother… _this_ is about doing what's right."

"You're on the wrong side then."

"I don't think so." Wood fires the crossbow sending an arrow into Spike's shoulder.

"You missed," Spike said.

"I never meant to kill you with that."

Spike then notices the rows of thick metal rings, one on each finger of Wood's hands. Spike reaches to pull the arrow out of his shoulder, but Wood manages to punch him before his hands are free. He gets another good punch in before Spike sends one back his way. Despite Spike's strength Wood is a good fighter. Being raised by a watcher has given him some good moves and he's able to avoid many of Spike's hits and get in a few of his own. However the punches that Wood takes compared to the ones he gives hurt a lot more, but he doesn't care. Spike could beat him to a bloody pulp as long as he got a few good hits in and killed him in the end he would feel like he'd avenged his mother's death.

Wood pushes Spike up against the wall, the exposed skin of his neck burns ever so slightly as it comes in contact with a cross there, then Spike kicks wood so hard that he falls to the ground with the wind knocked out of him. Spike leers over Wood, he wipes blood from his split lip and watches as the man before him gasps for air.

"You know… we're in the middle of an apocalypse right now. We really don't have time for you."

"Yeah, well the apocalypse can wait." Spike watches Wood hit the button on the silvery object strapped to the back of his hand.

--

Thumps and bumps, crashes and thuds are heard from above and Buffy can do nothing but listen to the fight between Spike and Wood; however she's not really paying that much attention to them. Buffy moves around the basement searching for a way out, for anything to get her upstairs, but there's nothing. Then the thumps and thuds come to a stop and a new sound is heard, a beeping sound. Buffy looks up to see a red light in the rafters, the red light is a number, the number 60 and it's counting down. 59, 58.

"Spike! There's a bomb, we have to get out of here now!"

"I know," Buffy hears from above.

Upstairs Spike is dashing around the kitchen looking for anything that could help him get Buffy out of the basement. There's nothing, just crosses. Then, he spots it, the door to the basement, hidden of course behind more crosses. Spike ignores the pain of his burning hands as he rips the door from its hinges. He can see Buffy now standing in the basement, but the stairs are gone.

"Buffy, you have to jump." Without another word Buffy starts at the far wall and runs at full speed toward the door which sits eight feet above the ground. She leaps and Spike grabs her hand as soon as she's near and pulls her into the upstairs. Spike looks around for a way out. He notices that Wood is gone. He probably went out the front door; although Spike is also sure he locked it behind him. "Come on."

"What are we doing?"

"Anything."

They race into the living room. Spike takes a split second to look around. He notices that the boarded up window isn't that securely boarded up. He glances at Buffy and she knows what he's thinking. The look across her face tells him that she doesn't think it'll work, but she goes along with him as he pulls her, there's no time for anything else. They run at the window and jump. Spike's shoulder hits it first and as it does Buffy can feel the heat behind her.

The bomb explodes sending the house up into flames. The window breaks, the boards snap and Buffy and Spike go flying into the night. Broken crosses go soaring as well, splintered pieces of wood zoom and everything lies in destruction.


	12. Playing Florence Nightingale:

**Playing Florence Nightingale:**

If they had been human the blast would certainly have killed them, as it is they've barely made it out alive. As Buffy opens her eyes the first feeling to enter her mind is unbearable pulsating pain. Somewhere in the back of her brain she can hear Spike's voice, but she's not yet conscious enough to make out what he's saying all she knows is that he's speaking to her in a velvety murmur. The only thing Buffy can truly comprehend right now is that every inch of her body is throbbing in torment.

"Buffy, Love, God, Buffy wake up." Buffy's eyes focus on the scene around her: fire, blood, destruction.

Spike's face is streaming with blood from a gash across his forehead. His blue eyes are deep liquid pools that stare at her intently. A warm glow from the fire burning behind him illuminates his platinum locks making his form glow and his dirtied and blood stained hand runs over her cheek. Buffy pushes herself up and winces in pain. She looks over her own body then and gasps with fear. As the air is sucked into her lungs she once again winces in anguish. A large piece of wood protrudes from her abdomen and a deep cut runs down her thigh. Her jeans and shirt are ripped to shreds as are Spikes and dirt and ash cover every inch of them both.

"Oh my God… Spike."

"I know, I know love, it's alright… we're alright." Despite his comforting words his voice still holds more then an inch of panic.

--

Buffy and Spike practically collapse as they walk through the front door, their bodies are beaten and broken and exhausted from their walk home. Dawn and Willow are the first to notice their arrival and rush to their sides. Soon Xander is there as well with Anya hovering in the doorway.

"Oh My God, Buffy… what happened?" Willow asks as she rushes to her best friend's side. Dawn stands nearby with a look of dread across her features.

"I'll be fine."

"Nibblet, go run your sister a bath, she'll need to get these wounds cleaned out before they start to heal," Spike says and Dawn is all too happy to disappear up the stairs.

"Holy shit you guys are thrashed. What did this?" Xander asks with true concern.

"The principal decided to take up a vendetta with me and bring Buffy down as well."

"Ah vengeance… obviously he didn't know what he was doing cause if I had been involved you would have been dead, although you do look pretty beaten up so I have to give him so points for effort."

"Ayn, please."

"What? I'm just saying."

Spike slips out of his duster and hangs it on the wall wanting to discard the extra weight. Earlier the blast had thrown it up and over his head when they jumped through the window and now it is thoroughly covered in ash inside and out. Footsteps are then heard and all faces turn to see Dawn making her way down the stairs. She looks sick to her stomach and Buffy and Spike are both positive that they are the reason for her expression.

"The bath is ready," Dawn says.

"Red, think you cold maybe help her up the stairs and give her a hand getting undressed?"

"What about you?" Buffy interjects before Willow can respond.

"I'll clean up down here."

"Spike, you're almost as bad as I am and… you should just come up with me."

"Buffy I don't think…"

"Spike…" Buffy's voice is low "I need help and I don't want anyone else to see how bad it is." Buffy's eyes are pleading.

"I can't," Spike's voice breaks. "I just don't think… I… I don't think I can be in _that _room with you." Spike watches as realization of his words and memories of the last time they had been in the bathroom float to the surface of Buffy's brain.

"Spike," Willow says as she places a hand on Spike's arm. "I think you should go with her, she wants you to go… you guys need to work through this eventually." Spike is surprised by her soft words.

"Spike please," Buffy pleads.

Wordlessly Spike wraps his arms around the wounded slayer and slowly leads her up the stairs. Once he's reached the top Xander is standing before Willow with an accusatory look across his face.

"What the hell Willow, do you really think that was a good idea?" Xander says while Anya rolls her eyes from behind him.

"Oh Xander, honestly, do you really think anything's gonna happen with them as beaten up as they are?" Anya asks, but Xander ignores her. Willow then looks him dead in the eyes with her resolve face.

"Xander, I don't care what you think about Spike. He's changed and we've all seen it and there's a lot more at stake right now then your feelings… Him and Buffy are gonna be together for a very long time."

"So what, you're trying to play match-maker for the evil-undead?"

"Xander I don't care if they get together, but I think they should be on good terms."

"I don't really see why that's so important."

"God Xander, you can be so thick sometimes you know," Anya says and Xander spins to face her. "Don't you get it, Buffy's immortal now, which means all of us are gonna die one day and she'll still be here. She'll be the _only_ one who's still here, except for Spike… Willow's just trying to look out for her friend, so she's not alone." Xander's rage starts to boil, but then he takes a deep breath then and actually seems to be letting what the women before him have said soak in. He doesn't like it but he nods once in understanding then treads off to the living room.

--

The bathroom is steamy when Spike pushes the door open, although really the temperature of the water won't matter. Having a body that's room temperature makes feeling differences in the world around him much more minuet, and the same is for Buffy now. The second the room comes into view flashes of _that_ night move through his mind and he thinks in that moment that the guilt might kill him. The only thing that keeps Spike from booking it out of the room is her soft hand on his face drawing him to look at her.

"Spike, it's okay."

"No, Buffy it's not okay… it will _never_ be okay, what I did…"

"What you did is in the past, Spike... I for…"

"No, don't tell me you forgive me. I don't deserve it."

"Well then listen to it because _I_ need to say it." Spike looks at her with pain in his eyes.

"Everything that has happened between us in the past is just that, in the past… we're _both_ to blame for how things went and I'm sorry, and I also _forgive_ you. I forgive you for everything."

"How?"

"Because I believe in you, I believe that you're a good man." Her words are honest and Spike truly does believe them. "Now please, can you help me into the bath?" Her tone is a little lighter now and brings a half smile to Spike's face. He simply nods.

Spike helps Buffy walk to the tub and she sits down at its edge. Behind her bubbles pop and Spike smiles at Dawn's thoughtfulness. He kneels before Buffy moving silently and carefully as he takes her shoes off for her. Once that is done Spike looks back up at Buffy.

"You know, you could probably make it into the tub on your own now."

"Spike… please stay with me… I just, I need someone here and you're the only person I feel comfortable being around right now." Spike nods. Buffy then starts to pull her shirt or what is left of it, over her head and Spike turns away. Once Buffy has it off she notices that Spike has a huge gash across his back.

"Oh God, Spike… your back, come here, let me look at it." Spike turns back to her but avoids looking straight at her. Buffy notices his distance.

"Spike… this isn't about sex, there is nothing wrong about this… please look at me." He meets her gaze and their eyes move together for a moment. "Take off your shirt," Buffy commands and Spike complies then turns around for Buffy to see. She runs her fingers lightly across the cut that runs beside his spine.

"You should get in here too, it's pretty dirty… were both covered in ash."

"Not like it'll get infected."

"Spike, please." Spike nods and Buffy starts to shimmy out of her jeans. Spikes then hears Buffy gasp and wince as she pulls her jeans off.

"What's wrong?" Spike's eyes are worrisome.

"Just lots of cuts… and burns, I'll feel better when I get into the water." Spike takes off his boots then stops undressing wondering how far he should go. When his eyes look back at Buffy she's unclasped her bra and slides it to the floor. Spike instantly diverts his gaze until after he can hear Buffy pulling herself beneath the water. Her eyes are on his when he finally looks at her. "Come on, take them off and get in."

"Buffy, are you sure about this?" She just looks at him with resolve, and then he undoes his jeans.

Spike's glad to see Buffy respectfully look away, it makes him more comfortably although he isn't positive why. Buffy scoots forward in the tub and Spike slides in behind her. Beneath the bubbles the water is already stained red and bits of dirt and ash float at its surface, but it's still welcoming. Spike rests his head against the tile wall behind him and Buffy sets hers against his body. Spike then calms down and his thoughts of what had happened the year before vanish. They rest in the water for a long while letting their muscles relax and their racing minds slow. There's nothing sexual about their interaction, nothing perverse or out of place, they simply share in each other's company allowing themselves to be completely vulnerable and open to the other.

Buffy bends her knee raising it out of the water revealing the deep gash in her thigh. Spike absentmindedly reaches an arm around her body to run his fingers along side it.

"We should probably stitch that up," Spike says.

"The one on your back too… and the one through my abdomen, those are the worst." Spike thinks back to when they were lying in the rubble of the exploded house and he had pulled the splintered piece of wood from her flesh. He cringes at the memory. "Spike?"

"Yeah love?"

"We're gonna be okay right? I mean… I've just never had injuries this bad before, not when I was human."

"So long as were not dust we'll mend just fine." Buffy nods and leans her head back against Spike. He wraps his arms around her and they both drift off for a short while allowing their bodies to rest.

--

Spike walks back into the bathroom wearing nothing but his jeans and opens the medicine cabinet. Buffy waits in her room as they have some more mending to do. Spike decided after their bath that they were both healing fast enough that stitches won't be needed; however bandages are still a good idea. He grabs a roll of bandages and walks back out and into Buffy's room closing the door behind him.

Buffy sits on her bed in a pair of boy-short black underwear and a black tank top rolled up to reveal the wound in her abdomen. Spike notes that already she looks better, most of her burns are already gone and of course she's clean of the dirt and ash from the fire. Spike sits down beside her on the bed.

"Here love," Spike says as he hands Buffy a large square shaped bandage. Buffy sets the bandage across the wound in her belly while Spike dresses the other side of it on her lower back.

"Thanks."

"No need to thank me, now let's get your leg." Buffy pulls herself back father across the mattress and stretches out her leg. Spike starts to dress it and Buffy watches.

"I suppose this will probably become a thing with us huh?"

"I bloody well hope not."

"I didn't mean… I meant… I just meant that we'll probably be fighting together for a long time, you know." Spike looks up at Buffy with an odd expression. "Since we're both vampires now."

"You being a vampire has nothing to do with me fighting by your side." Spike finds himself baffled by her words. He'd be by her side regardless of what she is.

"Not now it doesn't… but it will."

"What are you taking about?"

"I'm… Spike, you're the only one I have right now who I know will always be there."

"Your friends will always be there too, Buffy."

"Yeah I know… probably for as long as they live, but they won't live forever." Realization of what Buffy is saying dawns on Spike.

"Oh."

"Yeah… I just, I want you to know that I'm glad I have you."

"You'll always have me." Buffy smiles.

"And I'll always be here… now turn around it's my turn to bandage you up."


	13. Hope through Dawn:

**Hope through Dawn:**

Dawn sits cross legged on the floor, her back is up against the edge of the sofa and the coffee table is before her. She shuffles her deck of Tarot cards in her hands then sets them down and looks at Andrew who's also on the floor across the table from her. After finding her cards in her drawer days earlier Dawn has been using them often to read the fortunes of the potentials and kill boredom. Buffy and Spike are still asleep upstairs and after seeing how badly injured her sister was the night before Dawn has been trying to keep as busy as possible and keep her mind distracted.

"Okay now what?" Andrew asks.

"Now you ask a question and cut the deck."

"Ok, um… I wanna know… hmm… Oh! I got it… will I ever redeem myself for the horrible crimes I have committed, like murder and training flying demon monkeys, and oh and stealing the last pop tart this morning even though I had two yesterday." Andrew cuts the deck while Dawn rolls her eyes then starts to flip cards for Andrew.

--

In the dining room Kennedy has taken a moment away from working out in the back yard with the other girls to help Willow and Giles with research. Kennedy eyes up the redhead beside her watching as she reads. Willow is completely engrossed in her book and the mission before her, but Kennedy feels like they're on the wrong track. Giles then leans back in his chair, takes his glasses off and cleans them.

"I'm going to take a break; can I get either of you anything from the kitchen?"

"No, thanks Giles," Willow says without looking up. Giles gets up from the table and Kennedy watches him leave.

"Willow, what are we doing?" Kennedy asks once Giles is out of the room. Willow looks up. "What I mean is… Why… why are we trying to _help_ the First?"

"We're not trying to help the First; we're trying to help Buffy." Kennedy lets out an exasperated sigh.

"Willow… I know Buffy's your friend and all, but are you _sure_ we're doing the right thing here?"

"Yes, I am." Willow says sternly. Kennedy doesn't know what to believe but she loves this stubborn red-head before her and for now she will stand by her side.

--

Giles walks into the kitchen to see Xander and Anya sitting at the breakfast counter. They munch on potato chips, and Giles watches as Xander sticks his hand into the crinkled yellow bag to pull out another handful of greasy ruffled chips. He makes his way to the coffee pot, pulls out a mug and pours himself a glass. Giles leans back against the counter and looks at Xander and Anya as he takes a sip then cringes at the stale taste of what must certainly be week old coffee.

"How's it going g-man? Anything new?"

"Not as of yet." Giles looks down into his mug then pours his coffee out into the sink.

"Since bringing Buffy back tipped the scales it's too bad Willow can't just do another spell to bring someone back and tip them some more." Anya's voice is flippant, but her words make Giles think.

"Actually Anya, you may be on to something there."

"What?" Xander says. "We can't bring anyone else back from the dead; we don't even have that urn thingy anymore... besides after Buffy I think we've all learned that resurrections are of the bad."

"No, not back from the dead, just back into our dimension."

"Kay, you lost me."

"The first is able to appear _here_ in this dimension and this dimension only because of what we did. If we can pull someone from another dimension into this plane of existence…"

"Oh I got you," Anya jumps in. "Like when Willow and I did that spell and accidentally brought that evil Willow here."

"Precisely."

"Precisely what?" Buffy asks as she rounds the corner and walks into the kitchen. Spike walks in after her and goes straight to the fridge to pull out a carton of blood. All those in the room look her up and down and are glad to see how much she's healed since the night before.

"I had a brilliant idea," Anya says proudly.

--

The gang is once again gathered in the living room for a scoobie meeting. Giles has just explained the theory that Anya helped him come to and now everyone sits in silence thinking it over. Buffy sits between Dawn and Spike on the sofa while Willow and Xander hover in the doorway and Anya sits in one of the chairs, all of them are facing Giles who stands at the front of the room with a pensive look across his face.

"So who do we bring back?" Buffy asks then watches as Dawn shuffles her cards from beside her.

"I'm not quite sure on that part yet."

"It's gotta be someone important… someone who has a lot of good energy about them," Willow says.

"I've got it!" Xander says with excitement. "Gandhi."

"Gandhi?" Spike scoffs. "He was a demon."

"Well… a peaceful demon though right?"

"Still… don't think he qualifies."

Dawn cuts the deck of cards in her hands and then flips over the first card. Her movements are in part absentminded but she's also very aware of them. Something then clicks in Dawn's brain as she looks down at the overturned card before her. The card is the High Priestess and there is only one person in her mind of who this card could ever represent.

"Tara," Dawn says and all eyes fall on her.

"What," Willow says weakly.

"Tara had more good energy then anyone." The room is silent. Everyone seems to agree but with understanding of how Willow feels no one says anything. Eyes glance at Willow and then fall to the ground. "She was in my dream… and I pulled this card just now… I think… I think this is what she was trying to tell me… _fate is written in the cards._"

"This won't be like when we brought Buffy back Will," Xander adds knowing full well that bringing Tara back is the key to all of this. Something about Dawn's suggestion just feels right to him.

"Right yes, she won't be dragged back into her body like Buffy was… and it will only be temporary… we'll have to send her back once the First is defeated to return things to their balance." Giles's comment seems to make Willow pale even more. Now not only will she have to deal with seeing her lover again, but she will also have to deal with loosing her again. In that moment it's too much for Willow to think about.

"I… I just think I need a minute," Willow says and then rushes up the stairs to her room.

--

Buffy stands in the bathroom and picks at her bandages, after the meeting with the gang she just couldn't simply sit around; she felt the need to do something. So now she has her shirt pulled up and is changing the wrapping on her abdomen. Once she has a new bandage in place, although it's barely needed now, she looks up and notices for the first time the empty mirror before her. Buffy stands there in awe for a moment. She's not exactly sure how she should feel. Buffy raises her cold pale fingers up to the glass and touches its surface.

"Strange isn't it?" Spike's voice sounds from the door way. Buffy jumps in shock then turns to face him. "Like everything else you get used to it."

"Yeah…"

"How are you holding up… this battle with the First seems to be coming up pretty fast."

"I'm fine… mostly I'm just feeling bad for Willow right now." Spike steps into the room while Buffy stares down at her fingernails for a moment. "How are you?" Buffy asks meeting Spike's gaze once again.

"I'm alright… I'll be better once we all make it out of this alive, or well undead in our case." Again Buffy is reminded of her immortality and the fact that Spike is the only one who will be by her side for the rest of her life, or so she hopes.

"Yeah… Spike?"

"Yeah pet?"

"When this is over… what's gonna happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"Will you stay?" Spike thinks over her question.

"As long as you want me here that's where I'll be, you know that… _why_?" Buffy pauses for a moment.

"It's just… things are different now, you know," their eyes lock on each others.

"Different how?" Spike asks in a low voice, but he can feel what she's talking about. Things have changed between them since he came back from Africa and since Buffy's been a vampire those changes have been even more obvious.

"I don't want to be away from you," her words are soft and with each syllable she's drawn closer to Spike.

Eyes flutter down to lips and unneeded breath catches in each of their throats. Spike leans in and Buffy reaches up to meet his mouth with hers. Their lips move gently and cautiously at first, then Buffy brings a hand up to Spike's arm and his hands move to her waist. Their kiss deepens ever so slightly. Then Buffy's grasp on Spike's arm loosens and she pulls away. She lets out a deep unneeded breath and stares down at Spike's chest without backing away from him.

"Sorry," Spike says then pulls away.

"Don't be." Buffy's green eyes meet blue and she holds Spike's gaze.

"Buffy…" Spike's eyes search Buffy's face for an explanation, for something to tell him what she's thinking or what he means to her.

"Things are different now Spike."

"I think you need to explain a little better what exactly you mean by that." Spike's mind is spinning; he doesn't know what's real. Buffy takes a deep useless breath and sits down on the edge of the tub.

"I just… I'm just going with how I feel… all my emotions are so much stronger now and I… I don't… I just know that when you're around everything's a little easier, but I guess it's always been that way with you…"

"So what is _this_ between us?"

"I don't know yet, but… I know _something's_ there, and I know that I felt like kissing you, and I know that it's not because I needed comfort or needed to feel, it's because… it's because I _wanted_ to." Spike searches her eyes and finds honesty within them. He nods and then runs a hand through his blonde locks to calm himself.

"So what now?"  
"I don't know exactly yet… I need to focus on things with the First." Spike's hope fades a little. "But once it's all over I'm willing to spend eternity to figure it out." At that Spike meets her eyes again and knows that she's serious. It's not an _I love you_, but its something and he can wait to see where things go.


	14. Dueling at Dusk:

**Dueling at Dusk:**

As Willow's door creaks open she turns around fearful that Kennedy has come looking for her. Willow cares about Kennedy but things with them are still new and she's not ready to talk in depth about the woman she loved and lost. She's glad to see that it's not Kennedy but Buffy at her door. Through watery eyes Willow watches Buffy close the door behind her and make her way to the bed where she sits. Buffy places a hand on Willow's shoulder, even with skin as cold as death there is still something warm and comforting about her best friends presence.

"How are you?" Buffy asks.

"I just don't know if I can do this."

"Willow… we can try to find another way I don't want to make this harder on you."

"I don't know, I think Dawn was right… I think this is the only way, I just… what do I say to her… after what I've done."

"You just tell her that you love her and I'm sure she'll tell you the same and then you get a chance to say goodbye." Buffy knows that it's a rotten deal, but she also knows that if she could have her mom back, even if it were just for a short while that she would love the chance to actually say goodbye.

"But what if… what if she saw what I did and…"

"And what? Willow, Tara loved you more then anything and that's not changed… she'll forgive you and she'll be happy to see you." Willow smiles and Buffy pulls her into a hug.

"Thanks Buffy."

--

Wood once again sits in his car outside the Summer's residence. He watches through the window as Spike comes into view. They survived. Wood knows that he has to try again; he can't rest and won't rest until his mother's death is avenged and he's done his part to keep the vampires from aiding the First. Wood is a little bruised from his encounter with Spike but he knows that Buffy and Spike have to at least be injured and he thinks he's ready to take them on again. The green lights on his clock turn from 11:45 to 11:46 and Wood watches as Buffy and the potentials return from their patrol. For a moment somewhere in his mind Wood wonders why the potential slayers are still alive, he wonders why if Buffy and Spike are aiding the First is Buffy carrying on as if she were still human; but Wood's need for vengeance overcomes all logic. He drives off with a plan in mind to attack once Buffy and Spike are the only ones left awake.

--

Buffy has wandered out to the back steps for a meal before bed. She stares down at the cold pig's blood in her coffee mug. She thinks back to when Spike had first shown up on Giles's doorstep so many years ago and she had fed him blood through a straw. She had been so grossed out then, but now this is a way of life for her and she doesn't find anything gross about it.

Buffy thinks about her impending battle with the First. They plan to bring Tara back tomorrow night and that's when the big battle will happen. Buffy's wounds from the other day have already healed completely, Spike's however will still need another night to be one hundred percent, Buffy's healing ability is much faster then his since she's not only a vampire but the Slayer as well, because of this she knows that she's stronger and she actually has a chance to win this, even if it's still a slim chance.

"Care for some company?" Spike calls from the doorway. Buffy turns around to face him and smiles. He sits down beside her. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good… I'm all healed up now and… a little nervous about tomorrow."

"A little nervous?"

"Okay, a lot nervous… I'm really _really_ strong, but…"

"It's still stronger."

"Yeah… right now I'm just hoping that mom was right and that I can do this."

Fire. The arrow flies and sticks through Buffy's arm. Spike's eyes grow wide and he reaches for the arrow sticking out of Buffy's body before she even has a chance to realize what's happened. His hand curls around the flames before they have a chance to set her body aflame and he puts it out. A gasp of pain escapes Buffy's lips as she looks down at Spike's hand curled around the arrow in her shoulder. Then she turns back to Spike and notices that he's looking out into the yard.

Robin Wood stands in the middle of her yard with his cross bow raised and another flaming arrow ready to take flight. Spike stands up and puts himself between the revenge seeking principal and the wounded slayer.

"Come back for another round I see… what I didn't beat your face in enough the first time?" Spike asks.

"I'm just here to finish what I started." He fires the arrow at Spike but he sees it coming and moves out of the way. The arrow sticks into the steps of the porch behind him mere inches from Buffy.

Buffy pulls the arrow from her shoulder and stands up placing herself next to Spike. She watches as he charges at Wood, but also sees that as he does Wood pulls out something shiny. A pistol is gripped in his hand and he shoots Spike in the stomach as he runs at him. It's obvious to both Buffy and Spike now that Wood isn't here for a fight he's here on an assassination mission and his only goal is to take them out. Spike doubles over as four bullets rip through his skin. Wood uses Spike's split second distraction from the bullets to hit him with the crossbow he still holds.

Buffy's eyes are wide, even for a vampire everything seems to be happening too fast. The crossbow connects hard with Spike's jaw and he falls to the ground. Wood took them by surprise and he hasn't left a second open for either of them to think. Then just as Spike's back is flat against the grass Wood pulls out a stake and raises it high. Buffy rushes forward as he plunges it toward Spike's heart. Spike's hand reaches up and grabs Wood's wrist, his pale fingers stand out in dark contrast to the dark brown of Wood's skin. Then Wood is thrown back into the grass by Buffy. She's pulled forth the only weapon available to her at the moment and within seconds her fangs are at Wood's neck.

"Buffy!" Spike yells as he pulls himself to his feet, but he can already smell the blood in the air.

Buffy has done the one thing that from the day she was turned she's promised herself she never would. She's tasted human blood and despite the fact that her reaction to do so is in self defense she knows she's wrong. The blood tastes so good, it's like a drug, an addiction and she's already hooked. She could kill him now all too easily. It would be completely effortless to take his life; and so Buffy does the hardest thing imaginable in her current situation. She stops. Buffy withdraws her fangs from Wood's neck and lets her face morph back to its human form. She stands up, her body shakes slightly, and she looks down at Wood. He lies there weak and broken and yet his eyes still glimmer with revenge.

The porch light turns on just as Spike makes it to Buffy's side and the two of them turn around to see Xander standing on the porch and Anya in the doorway. The young man looks over the scene in the yard before him. He takes note of Spike's hand clenching his stomach, the gun and crossbow on the ground as well as the blood that smeared across Buffy's lips. It doesn't take him long to figure out what happened.

Buffy can smell Wood's blood, his human blood and she rushes into the house to avoid being so tempted by it that she kills him. She pushes past Xander and Anya leaving Spike in the yard and goes up to her room.

"Buffy," Xander says as she rushes past him.

Her face is completely terrified and Xander assumes it's because of what she nearly did. He walks out into the yard to stand beside Spike and stare down at Robin Wood. Xander glances at Spike for a moment and then looks down at Wood again; he kneels down and grabs Wood by the collar of his shirt.

"Look I know you've got some vendetta against Spike and any other day of the week I'd say go for it, but you're wrong if you think that Buffy's switched sides and you just now almost pushed her to do something that would kill her…" Wood coughs but Xander only tightens his grip. "So here's what I'm going to do, I'm going to let you go and you're going to leave town and if you _ever_ come back or ever hurt Buffy again I will kill you… that is if someone else doesn't do it first." Xander and Wood both glance back at Spike. "And trust me, no one will stop him."

Xander drops Wood and turns to leave as does Spike, however the bleeding in Spike's stomach makes him wince and Xander notices.

"You alright man?" Xander asks.

"I'll be fine."

Wood takes a deep breath and brings his hand up to his neck while the two men walk into the house. Xander turns off the light leaving Wood alone in the darkness and shuts the door.

--

Xander and Anya stand alone in the kitchen. Spike made his way up to the bathroom to tend to his wounds right after he came in. Now Xander stands staring out the back window to make sure that Wood leaves. Currently his fingers are holding the blinds apart to see better.

"Think he'll stay gone?" Anya asks.

"I don't know… hopefully." Xander turns from the window to come face to face with Anya. She stands before him with her arms crossed.

"That was nice… what you did… well not nice, you were very threatening, but it was a good thing."

"Yeah, well he wasn't going to believe anything she or Spike said… and she's still Buffy."

"You know… as misguided as you are sometimes, you really care about your friends… they're lucky to have you."

"Thanks." Xander and Anya share a smile and a look that lingers then Anya turns to go back to sleep in the living room, however that short moment remains in both of their minds.


	15. Passions Brought to Light:

**Passions Brought to Light:**

Buffy stands in her room facing the mirror above her vanity. Her arms are crossed tightly and her eyes are wet with tears. She stares at the nothingness that makes up her reflection then watches as the reflection of the door swings open. Buffy turns around to see Spike standing in her room still holding his bleeding, bullet wounded stomach. Immediately Spike notices that she's upset and he moves to stand before her. Using the hand that is –un-bloodied by his wounds he wipes away a tear as it starts to fall.

"I could have killed him," Buffy says in an angry and choked up voice.

"But you didn't."

"Spike, I… I attacked him, and… and I, I _bit_ him… his blood, and the smell, and I wasn't sure I could stop." Her voice is loud and irate. Spike looks her straight in the eyes.

"But you _did_ stop. You didn't kill him Buffy." Buffy breaks down, the tears start to fall and she buries her face in Spike's chest. He wraps his free hand around her and he shushes her calmly.

"What if I can't stop next time… what if it just tastes too good?"

"Listen to me Slayer, if you ever have to protect yourself like that again you _will_ be able to stop… you're not a killer Buffy." Her sobs grow stronger and Spike holds her tightly.

Spike ignores his own pain as Buffy cries and deals with the thing she has become, the thing he turned her into. He knows she's still a good person, he knows on the inside that she's still the same. She's still the slayer and a hell of a woman; he just hopes that she can see it too. Slowly Buffy's weeping start to ebb. Spike runs his fingers through her hair and looks down at her as she pulls away slightly.

"You really believe that?" Her eyes search his.

"Absolutely." His voice never wavers. "In a hundred plus years Buffy there's only one thing that I've ever been sure of… _you_." Her eyes well up again, but this time there is a smile playing at the corners of her lips. "Now you listen to me… I've been alive a bit longer then you, and dead a lot longer then that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine and done things I prefer you didn't, and I've also seen _you_. I've seen what you do, how you try… I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the _worst_ of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman, Buffy… You're the one."

A choked laugh passes through Buffy's lips. Salty tears fall down her cheeks again but for a different reason this time. Buffy sees Spike's love for her swirling in his cerulean blue eyes and she believes every word he's said to her. She knows it's true. Buffy leans in to Spike and wraps her arms around his neck. She presses her body against his and smashes her lips against his. Spike doesn't hesitate to respond. Soon his fingers are twisting in her hair and running up the back of her shirt as their kiss deepens.

Buffy's fingers trail down Spike's chest headed toward his jeans, until she hits something cold and wet. Spike lets out a hiss of pain. Their kiss breaks and Buffy looks down to be reminded of the bleeding bullet wounds in Spike's stomach.

"Oh, God… Spike, I completely forgot… I'm so sorry."

"It's alright pet."

"We gotta get you cleaned up."

--

Shiny twisted and bloodied bullets sit in a dish on Buffy's end table. Spike sits shirtless at the edge of her bed as she wraps gauze around his waist. Pulling the bullets from his stomach had been painful for Spike, but Buffy had winced far more then the vampire before her when she had pulled them out.

"All done," Buffy says taping the end of the gauze down. She looks up at Spike then and her eyes meet his.

The smile that had crossed Buffy's face from being pleased with herself for treating his wounds softens. Eyes rock back and forth within their sockets as both vampires' minds travel back to the kiss they shared before bloody bullet wounds had interrupted it. Buffy brings her hand up to Spike's face and runs her fingers down his cheek. Despite the room temperature of both their skin her fingers feel fevered against his cheek, it isn't the burning touch that he remembers from when she was human, but it still feels warm. Spike reaches out to her and wraps his arms around her waist.

In that moment Buffy thinks that if her heart could beat that it would be hammering in her chest. Her feelings for Spike seem as if they have grown even more just in the past few hours. She wants him in every way, and it's different then the last time they had been together. Before Spike turned her Buffy had gone to him once again in need, what she feels now is want. It's not just a physical desire; it's an emotional one as well. Her yearning for Spike is so strong that she fears she might cry if a move isn't made.

Buffy leans into Spike and brings her arms around his neck. Instantly his arms around her waist tighten. Then her lips smash to his. Spike slides his fingers up her back, and their lips dance in a heated battle. Even when tongs are brought into a sword fight neither vampire feels like they're close enough to the other. Buffy presses her body flat against Spike's and brings her legs up to wrap around his waist. In the past being this close to him would have felt like being pressed up against a block of ice, but now it's as if heat is radiating from him.

Spike stands up from the bed with Buffy's legs still securely locked around him. Her blunt teeth are currently lightly pulling on his bottom lip and he lets out a passionate growl. Spike ignores the quick twitch of pain from his stomach as he stands and spins around then falls back to the bed now with Buffy beneath him. Their kiss breaks for a fraction of a second and both see the flecks of gold shimmering around in the emerald and sapphire of each other's eyes.

Soft lips crush against each other once again while Buffy's hands move down to Spike's jeans and roughly pull at the fabric that covers his body. Vampire strength overcomes fabric as clothes are destroyed. Spike's jeans crumple to the floor quickly followed by Buffy's shredded shirt and her bra which now has broken clasps. Hands roam across skin and the feeling of heat overpowers them both. Buffy's jeans are next to go and then there is nothing stopping them from becoming one. With a shifting of hips they are linked together in one fluid and powerful motion that threatens to send them both over the edge in that very instant.

Spike's fingers roughly tangle in Buffy's hair while Buffy's are dragging down Spike's back. Her vampire nails, sharp as razors, leave tiny moon shaped cuts as she digs her fingers in, although Spike doesn't seem to notice the pain. He brings his lips to her jaw bone and leaves kisses up its side until he meets her lips once again. All the while they move perfectly together in their rhythmic dance.

As the hours move past the night disappears and the sun rises from beyond the thick curtains. Buffy and Spike however are lost in each other and fail to notice any changes in their surroundings. The shaking of the bed and creaking of its hinges goes unnoticed as passionate moans and murmurs escape soft lips and ravenous kisses trail across skin.

Emotions are building, muscles tightening. Buffy's fingernails dig deep into Spike's skin as his hips shift into her. Release floods through her body and her head flies back. Everything feels so intense and she looses control of her face. Her skin morphs and eyes turn yellow. Her body shakes as bliss overcomes her. Then slowly muscles relax and Buffy melts into the bed. Spike collapses atop her and just before sleep overcomes them both the ridges across her brow smooth and her face returns to its human form.

--

Spike's eyes open to the sight of Buffy's alarm clock. He lies on his side facing the end table and reads the numbers 12:13 written in red on the clock before him. Slowly the events of the night before filter into his mind and Spike spins around to his other side. A sheet now covers his torso and as he flips around he sees that Buffy is still asleep beside him. It's obvious that she's naked beneath the thin sheet and Spike smiles as he realizes that his dreams of the night before had been a reality.

Eye lashes twitch and green eyes flutter open. Buffy sees Spike before her and a smile creeps across her face. The sight of him evokes feelings within her, feelings of the warm fuzzy kind and there are words that Buffy wants to say to him. There is an emotion more powerful then anything else that she wants to express, but there is also fear of actually saying the words and so she keeps quiet.

"Morning," Buffy says softly, it isn't the phrase she wanted to say, but it's something.

"Morning love," Spike replies and Buffy scoots closer to him. She pulls her naked form up against his and kisses him. Spike can tell that this all means more then anything ever has between them, but he's too scared to ask just what it is. Spike simply lets himself fall into their kiss and twists his arm around her. He knows that if this keeps up that they'll soon be repeating last night's performance.

Then it all comes to an end as there's a knock at the door. Spike turns over to face the door and Buffy props herself up on one elbow using her other hand to hold the sheet close to her body.

"It's me," Dawn calls through the door. "Willow wanted me to wake you guys up; we're having a meeting downstairs."

"We'll be down in a minute," Buffy calls and they hear Dawn's footsteps trail off. Buffy looks at Spike then. "I'll um… I'll go get you some new clothes, I kind of… well, I'm stronger then I look, your jeans didn't stand a chance." Spike smiles and chuckles lightly knowing that his jeans must be shredded.

--

After getting dressed Buffy and Spike make their way downstairs where the scoobies sit and wait. They can hear the potentials in the basement and Buffy knows that with her vampire hearing that she could zone in and hear their conversations if she wanted, instead she focuses her attention on the living room. Willow sits in the center of the couch with her arms crossed and Xander and Kennedy on either side of her. Giles is cleaning his glasses at the front of the room and Dawn and Anya are sitting in the chairs.

"So what's up?" Buffy asks as she comes into the room, but she already knows that it has to do with the First and the spell to bring Tara back. She had a night of bliss and now its time to get back to reality.


	16. Let Love out of the Dark:

**Let Love out of the Dark: **

In a few hours Tara will be dragged back into their dimension and the First will become corporeal. Buffy sits at the breakfast counter and lets her mind wander. A part of her is upset about bringing Tara back, after her resurrection anything that will pull someone out of heaven is an atrocious thing in Buffy's mind, but she's been assured that this will not be a resurrection. As she understands it, it will be more like when Anya and Willow brought that vampire Willow into this realm. She will show up here in the same form as she is there, whatever form that may be; but certainly she will not go through what Buffy did.

Buffy only wishes that she'd have time to give Tara her own goodbyes. 'Giving goodbyes' is how she and Willow are referring to this now. Her best friend has found a way to come to terms with this spell by that phrase. It isn't much but it's something she never got to do and for that Willow is grateful for the opportunity, even if it will pull at her heartstrings later. Buffy however will seek out the First while they perform the spell in order to pick a fight with it in a safe location. If she succeeds Tara will most likely be gone by the time she returns home.

There is however one other thing at the back of Buffy's mind that's bothering her. This could be it for her and she knows it, but that's not a problem. Buffy has no worries or fears of death. Dying is one thing that she's become far too familiar with over the years and she knows that if it is her time that she will welcome it; however she doesn't think she can go if she leaves anything unsaid. Last night she felt something with Spike, something strong and she woke up knowing exactly what that feeling was.

Buffy takes a deep, unneeded and yet necessary breath to calm herself and stands up from the counter. After going over the basics in the living room earlier Willow had left to gather supplies for the spell; Dawn had gone with her for which Buffy was glad that she wouldn't be alone and the rest of the room emptied. Spike, went into the basement as the rest of the potentials came back upstairs, and Anya had made her way outside. Now Buffy stands before the basement door building her courage to enter.

--

Anya sits in the white lawn chair in Buffy's yard. On a chain around her neck is a ring and Anya has pulled it out from its resting place beneath her blouse to stare at the shinning stone in its setting. Maybe it's the impending apocalypse that has everyone opening up, she doesn't know, but she has seen something in Xander recently that makes her rethink all her wishes of vengeance against him. Sure in the past few days she's seen the jealous overbearing and completely incorrect Xander that she had wanted to disembowel; but she has also seen a Xander who stood up to Robin Wood for his friend; a Xander who she can see looking past the things that would normally send him into a rant and accepting them. Something about the young man has changed, has grown, and Anya isn't sure exactly what to think of it.

The squeaking of the patio door is heard. Anya spins around to see Xander walk out onto the porch and she quickly hides her engagement ring beneath her blouse once again. Slowly he makes his way toward her and sits in the seat beside her.

"Hey," Xander says a little nervously.

"Hey." Her reply is soft.

"So uh," Xander stares down at his folded hands in his lap. "This might be it…"

"Yeah, well… we've all heard that one before… you're not going to propose again are you?" Anya realizes that her words are sarcastic and a little too harsh, but it still stings thinking of how he left her. Xander's face pales. "Xander, I'm sor…"

"No… I deserved that." In those words Anya has another moment to add to her collections of ways that Xander has grown.

"You know Xander… I know that I tend to be the first to get hostile in conversations when you and I are alone… then after that it's just a hop away from the merry-go-round of rotating knives where I blame you and you blame me and then we both end up torn to shreds…"

"Please tell me there's a _but_ coming in this sentence."

"But… I don't mean to…"

"I don't mean to either." There is a hopeful tone to his voice. "I um… I've been thinking a lot lately."

"About what?"

"About how sometimes what we think is the right thing to do is sometimes not so right, and how sometimes what we think is wrong ends up being what we need to do… I just, I'm trying to say that… Anya, I should have married you." Anya's face turns to him then and her eyes well up with tears. "I still love you Anya." Anya's eyes tear up, then she leans into Xander and he wraps his arms around her. Their lips meet and Anya's eyes close sending trails of tears down her cheeks.

"I love you too," Anya says when they finally pull away.

--

Sunnydale High has been nearly empty for the past few weeks, and after Principal Wood mysteriously resigned the campus was closed for good. No one, however, seemed to care. In the depths of the basement the Seal of Danzalthar lies once again uncovered, and five young men and women sit at the points of the pentagram across its surface. A knife moves from one hand to the next slicing wrists as it goes. The First, in the form of Buffy, moves around the room looking on as the blood pools onto the seal.

"She thinks becoming a child of the darkness is enough, but tonight, when the sun falls the darkness itself will cower in fear… She thinks she can beat me, but I know she won't. I will kill her and then I will watch as her friends and family, as the ones she _loved_, are torn limb from limb."

A wicked smile crosses the First's lips as the Seal of Danzalthar starts to open. Long twisted and dirty fingers with claw like nails reach out of the mouth of hell. Growling and hunched Turk-han's emerge from the Hellmouth and the First watches as the last of three Uber-vamps move to stand before it. As soon as the sun has set she will set them loose with explicit instructions. Buffy may have made herself stronger by becoming a vampire, but being dead means that her home no longer belongs to anyone and thus the First knows that her minions wont need an invite to get in.

--

Kennedy walks into Willow's room. The red-headed witch turns to face her and the two of them share a small smile. Kennedy takes a few steps into the room until she's only a few feet from Willow.

"How are you?" Kennedy asks. Willow tilts her head at the question and shrugs her shoulders.

"I'm alright… how are you?"

"I'm fine… I mean… I'm fine with the whole Tara thing, I get that you really loved her, that doesn't bother me."

"But you're not fine with something else?"

"Yeah… Willow, can I tell you something?"

"Of course."

"The First came to me… right after Buffy d… before Buffy woke up, and it told me that we're doing exactly what it wants us to do and I just… I think it was right." Willow regards Kennedy's words and she understands for the first time why Kennedy has been so resistant to this situation.

"Kennedy…"

"Look, I know you think you're doing the right thing here and I know I can't change your mind… I just wanted you to know how I feel." Willow nods.

"I know what it's like to not be sure what the right thing to do is," Willow says, "but I also know that we always win… I just hope you trust me, this _is_ gonna work."

"I hope so."

--

Buffy takes each step slowly and cautiously as she makes her way down into the basement where she knows she will find Spike. She's glad that she no longer has a beating heart to race and distract her or breath to choke up her words. With each step she takes she runs through her words in her mind. She tries to think of how she will phrase it, but nothing seems to sound right. If you had asked the slayer a few months ago if she ever thought she'd be saying these words to Spike you would have gotten a firm no, but then again she never thought she'd be a vampire either and now Buffy isn't surprised at all that the words she plans to say will be spilling from her lips. The last step comes up faster then Buffy expected even with her slowed movements and soon she's standing on the cement floor of the basement.

Buffy sees Spike pacing across the room; he seems to be as distracted as she was walking down the stairs. It doesn't take long for him to notice her and his pacing comes to an abrupt halt. They stare at each other standing still as statues for a moment then Spike ducks his head and their frozen moment is warmed.

"Spike…"

"Before you begin slayer, I think we should talk… about last night, and…"

"I agree," Buffy's voice cuts off Spike's sentence and he looks her straight in the eye.

"Right, yeah… so about last night…"

"Spike…"

"No, I need to say this… I don't know what that meant to you, but my mind has been racing since we woke up and I know you're not going to tell me but I need to ask anyway… cause I could loose you tonight and…"

"_Spike_…"

"No, please just let me finish, and…" Spike's words are cut off as Buffy rushes up to him and smashes her lips against his. He resists for a moment then gives in letting the feeling of her lips overcome him. Buffy feels him relax against her and once she's positive that she's silenced him completely she pulls away. Buffy and Spike stand mere inches from each other both scared beyond death of what will come next.

"Spike…" Buffy's voice is feather soft. She looks down to the ground then her eyes flutter up to meet Spike's hopeful ones. Blue eyes plead for her to open up to him; they beg her to tell him what he's so desperately wanted to hear for so long. "I love you." Her words are tender and Spike needs a moment to take them in and run them over in his mind before he can actually process what she's said.

"Say it again." Spike's words are whispered as well. A part of him fears that he's hallucinating; he had never expected to hear those words from her even with things going so well between them lately.

"I love you." Buffy's words are firmer this time and as they're said the fear finally leaves her body. Her eyes search Spike's and she watches as a smile creeps across his face. Buffy grins as well.

Spike leans down and captures her mouth in a passionate kiss. Buffy doesn't think it's possible to feel any more elated then she is right now. It's as if something inside her has been unlocked and she can finally move about freely. Buffy's fingers twist in the fabric of Spike's shirt and then as tears of joy swell in her eyes she pulls away.

"I just… I needed you to know, you know… incase…"

"Shush… none of that. Let's just have this moment. Don't worry about tonight."


	17. After the Daylight Fades:

**After the Daylight Fades:**

Buffy stands in her room digging through her weapons chest. She loads up on weapons in preparation for the biggest fight of her life - and un-life. As she digs through the weapons chest she ignores the stakes and holy water and finds places on her body to hide knives. She knows this wont be a fair fight and she plans to fight dirty. Buffy grabs a large battle axe. She stares at the sharpened blade and notices her lack of reflection in its surface, something she's still not used to. Buffy then walks out of her room and makes her way downstairs.

--

In the living room the blinds are drawn as the sun has not yet set beyond them. Willow is setting up a large circle with crystals and candles on the floor. She remembers when she and Anya brought forth her vampire doppelganger that it took the both of them to do it. Willow suspects that to bring Tara into this dimension that it will take more then a few people and so the furniture has been pushed aside to make room for a large circle of people. Willow stands then as she hears footsteps coming down the stairs. She walks into the entranceway to come face to face with Buffy carrying a large axe.

Buffy stops at the end of the stairs and smiles at Willow, then from the dining room Xander walks into the entryway as well. The three of them stand in silence for the moment and reminisce.

"So, what do you guys want to do tomorrow?" Buffy asks as if it were just another day.

"Nothing strenuous," Willow says.

"Well, Mini-golf is always the first thing that comes to mind," Xander says.

"I was thinking about shopping… as per usual."

"Oh! There's an Arden B. in the new mall," Willow says excited.

"Well, now aren't we going to discuss this?" Giles says from his position leaning against the French doors, the gang notices him for the first time as he speaks. "Save the world to go to the mall?"

"I'm having a wicked shoe craving," Buffy says.

Buffy then smiles at Giles and turns to walk into the living room. Xander and Willow follow her and continue their light-hearted conversation as they go. Giles simply watches as they walk off.

"The earth is defiantly doomed," he says then proceeds to follow after them.

--

A short while later everyone is gathered in the living room and their attention lies on Buffy. She stands with the French doors behind her and all the scoobies as well as potentials before her. The room is buzzing with anticipation as they wait for their leader to speak. Buffy looks them all over for a moment then decides it's time to get down to business.

"Well, this is it," Buffy says. "So… here's the plan, I'm going after the First and when I find it, I'm going to kill it, but to do that you all need to help Willow, she's going to need almost all of you for this spell. Spike, you're staying here… this is my fight, and I need you to hold down the fort… I don't know what the First has planned, but I need you guys to be ready in case it sends any of its uber minions to the house. Xander, you, Giles, and Spike need to keep watch while Willow does her spell. Everyone just needs to be prepared."

"We'll be right behind you Buff… except only here at home instead of behind you in the physical sense," Xander says and Buffy smiles at him.

"Willow… do you have everything you need?"

"I'm all set."

"Alright then… _hopefully_ I'll see you all again soon." With that Buffy turns toward the door, but she stops before she leaves and turns to face Dawn. Her eyes lock with her younger sisters and she tries to think of something to say.

"Don't… anything you say now is gonna sound like goodbye," Dawn says and Buffy simply nods, then with her axe in her hand she walks out the door.

--

Buffy stands on the front porch for a moment as the last of the sun's rays disappear beneath the horizon. Then she steps out following the shadow that grows into the yard. Moments after walking out the front door Buffy is preparing herself for the fight and with a shake of her head she has her game face on. She walks bristly with her axe held tight in her hand and her hair flowing in the breeze. With each step the light from the house fades away and she moves further into the darkness.

"Here we go," Buffy says as she proceeds to walk in the direction of the now abandoned Sunnydale High School.

--

Xander, Spike and Giles arm themselves in preparation for whatever may come their way. Earlier Xander had voiced the question of how the uber-vamps would get in with out an invite; he was quickly reminded that the invitation clause only applied to the living which Buffy is now not. The three men are currently in Buffy's room, where the good weapons live. Spike pulls an axe out of the weapons chest while Xander grabs a sword as does Giles.

"Well this is it…" Xander says to the two men before him as he raises his sword, "It's up to us to keep these girls safe; a laid off carpenter, a retired watcher, and a brooding vampire against whatever the First sends this way _which _will most likely be some super strong and ugly vampires."

"Right… so let's do some damage then," Spike says with a smirk. He knows the uber-vamps are stronger then he is and he doesn't know how many will be coming their way, but he does know that the First won't let this fight be just between it and Buffy. He also knows that he's going to do whatever it takes to keep everyone alive. "And I _don't_ brood… that's Angel's territory."

--

The First stands outside the front doors of the high school with the three uber-vamps that it has raised before it. They stand at attention for their leader to give them instructions. The First stares at her minions in the form of Buffy. Her arms are crosses and she has an evil glimmer in her eyes that twinkles as brightly as the stars above. She purses her lips then begins to speak.

"The slayer is dead, which means her house is unprotected… go now, then wait for my signal… when I give it… kill them all."

--

Willow has just explained to the potentials how the spell they will be performing works. They will need to chant over the photograph Willow has of Tara and if all goes well she will appear before them. A knot had formed in Willow's stomach when she had said her former lover's name, but she has since untied it and is ready to do what needs to be done. She sits down at the head of the circle with the photograph before her. In the image Tara is smiling bright and has a stack of books in her hands. It's from their first year in college. Willow smiles down at the picture remembering the day when she took it then she looks back up. Dawn sits down beside her and offers her a reassuring smile as she takes her hand. Anya is next to sit down and then a few potentials follow. Kennedy however remains seated on the couch with her eyes glued to the floor and her arms crossed tightly.

Unbeknownst to everyone else in the room the First has taken a seat beside Kennedy appearing as her deceased watcher. It speaks to her, invisible to everyone else, and its tone is wicked. Not at all the tone her watcher had ever used with her. All the same having the thing beside her wearing her watcher's face is unnerving all the same.

"It's time to join them… your lover is looking at you from across the room… can you feel her emerald eyes boring into you? They beg you to help her, to help her bring me into this world."

Kennedy wants to scream, she wants to run out of the room and refuse to participate in this magical intervention, she wants to find something to hit, but she doesn't. Instead Kennedy looks up and meets Willow's eyes. Something in that moment makes her push aside all of her previous thoughts. Something in Willow's eyes tells Kennedy that this is the way to win. The First's tauntings have only been fed to her to stir things up possibly even to break up the group or simply because the First can't help but brag. Kennedy, however, knows she can't trust it, but she can trust Willow and so she does. Kennedy gets up from the couch and sits in the circle beside Willow.

"Are you okay?" Willow asks her with true sincerity.

"Yeah… I just uh… I realized that just because the First thinks it's gonna win doesn't mean it will."

--

Sunnydale High School comes into view. Buffy pauses for a moment staring at the building from across the street. She can feel the evil energy of the Hellmouth calling to her. Like a siren's song the Hellmouth attracts her vampire self to it. The Hellmouth, however, is not why she's there. Buffy is there for the First and that is the only thing on her mind as she walks closer to the building. As Buffy reaches the door it appears to her. The First materializes with Buffy's face before her.

"You think you can fight me? I'm not a demon, little girl. I am something that you can't even conceive. The First Evil… Beyond sin, beyond death. I am the thing the darkness fears. You'll never see me, but I am everywhere. Every being, every thought, every drop of hate…" The First says.

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard it already. You're evil, I get it, but I'm still going to kick your ass."

"Even if you win, even if you defeat me, you can never destroy me. I will spread out for a while, but I will regroup eventually. I have an eternity to act again."

--

Xander, Spike, and Giles step out the front door of the Summer's home and walk down the steps of the front porch to stand in the grass. It's then that they see exactly what they've come outside to fight. Three turk-hans slowly make their way toward the house. Their rough skin, dirtied faces and ragged clothes are illuminated by the yellowed street lamp. Xander, Spike and Giles hold their weapons ready to strike, however the creatures have stopped just beyond the yard.

"What are they waiting for?" Xander asks.

"For us to finish the spell," Giles says.

"Right… the buggers want the First corporeal," Spike says. Then through the window Spike can see as white light fills inside and he hears as the chanting grows. As the room swarms with a twinkling bright mist Spike turns back toward Xander and Giles. "Get ready, their about to get what they're waitin' for."


	18. The Thing the Darkness Fears:

**The Thing the Darkness Fears:**

The light from the spell is blindingly bright, and if it weren't for the warmth radiating from it Willow thinks she'd believe herself to be in the middle of a snow storm, a very windy snowstorm she then thinks as her vision is clouded by strands of her ruby hair whipping about. The last words of the chant pass through the lips of all the women in the room and Willow opens her hand to let the sand she held there drop onto the photograph of Tara. Just when she thought the world around her couldn't get any brighter there is a flash and everything for just a moment is stark white.

Slowly the wind disappears and the light fades. After a few moments the room dims down as if nothing had happened. Everything is back to normal, except that in the center of the circle a woman stands in a long white gown.

--

They haven't even made it into the building yet, but Buffy can see a sinister smirk creeping across the First's face and she knows that things are coming together and they are doing so now. The slayer grips her axe tighter and raises it ready to fight.

"You know," the First says, "Out of all the forms I have taken on yours is my favorite… I think I might just keep it."

"Yeah, well… it looks better on me."

A powerful gust of air erupts from the First's from and pushes out in all directions. It moves through the air like a sonic boom and knocks Buffy back a step sending her hair flying, however, she quickly regains her composure. When the slayer looks back up at the First she sees that it is staring down at its hands, its solid hands. This is it, the First is corporeal and it looks up at Buffy with a face that is its own version of a twisted happiness. Buffy doesn't hesitate, she rushes forward with her axe drawn and swings with force.

The First may be evil and have a wide expanse of knowledge, but there is one thing that Buffy has more experience in, and that's fighting - physically fighting. If there's one thing that Buffy Summer's knows how to do well it's giving big uglies a run for their money and that's exactly what she does with the First.

The First has a body now. It's in a physical state of being of which it has never before experienced and with its slow reflexes it barely has time to realize that Buffy is coming at it with an axe. The metal blade drives deep into the First's shoulder. Buffy watches as an expression of shock crosses her evil double's face.

--

Willow stands to find herself face to face with Tara. The world seems to stop all rotation as their eyes meet. Seeing Tara again makes Willow's heart swell. As the witch looks on at her lover she notices how her skin glows warmly, her smile is bright and her eyes glimmer lovingly. Dirty blond hair frames the angel's face before her and tears come to Willow's eyes.

"You have to help Xander," Tara says and Willow is snapped back to reality.

"Wha…" and then Willow hears him. His cries of panic come from the front yard and Willow rushes to the door.

The front door flies open and as Willow looks out into the front yard she sees Spike in an intense battle with a turk-han, Giles clumsily avoiding the blows of another and Xander being held up by his neck two feet above the ground by a third. Willow instantly steps forward and throws her hands out. Her fingers are stretched and palms face upward. With one Latin word she sends out three bolts of energy that strike the three uber-vampires. Two things happen in that instant; first the three turk-hans fall to the ground as does Xander who gasps for air and second Willow passes out and collapses on the front porch.

--

"Ow, that… _hurt_," the First says pulling the axe from its shoulder and throwing it off to the side. It hits the pavement with a clatter. Blood drips from its wound for a moment, but then it heals up completely. Within seconds it's as if nothing had even happened. "So that's what pain feels like." Pow, the First's head reels back from a powerful punch from Buffy. It doesn't even have time to react as Buffy throws another bone crunch hit right after. After that, however the First is staring to catch on. With both its hands the First shoves Buffy and she falls to the ground. She doesn't stay down long however. Quickly Buffy springs herself to her feet and pulls out a knife hidden in her waist band at the same time.

It's now that the dance begins. The First throws more blows at Buffy, but the slayer is far more skilled and dodges every one. The First quickly becomes dismayed and as anger grows in its now solid black heart its throws become heavier and hastier. Buffy, however remains calm and is able to easily avoid the First's attempts at fighting leaving the First with nothing but wasted energy. Buffy then jabs at the First with the knife she holds in her hand and manages to sink it into the First's side, all this does though is outrage the First even more and with all the strength it has it punches Buffy square in the jaw.

"Now that felt good… don't you see little girl, you can wound me with your weapons but I heal fast… in the end _you_ are going to loose." the First says happy with itself for the first time in this fight.

Buffy hears her own jaw bone break with a terrifying crack and feels the air against her skin as the First's blow sends her flying back. Her body hits the ground first and then her head bounces against the pavement. For a moment she remains still. Every inch of her is pulsating with pain, but she quickly remembers the mission at hand and forces herself back onto her feet. Buffy then sees that she's only a foot from her discarded axe and she quickly picks it up. Once it's in her hands she looks back at the First and sees that it has pulled the dagger from its side and is walking back toward Buffy.

The Slayer takes note of the swagger in the First's step and the fear-invoking look across its face. Each step it takes is precise and every movement it makes is for visual effect. The first has spent centuries having to be intimidating by its looks alone and it has the process down to an art; however it's just a smokescreen. The First is far less of a threat then Buffy had expected. Sure, she knows she will leave this fight broken and bruised, but she doubts that the First has any more physical power then Glory had, or at least that's how it feels. In truth the First probably has a lot more power then Glory had, but Buffy is also stronger now so the difference is unnoticed.

Buffy takes a deep unneeded breath to steady herself and then rushes forward with her axe ready to strike.

--

Spike looks up to the doorway of the Summer's home just as Willow collapses on the front porch. The uber-vamp that he had been fighting was struck with some strange blue bolt of energy, for which Spike is grateful. He then realizes that that bolt had come from Willow. Spike watches as Kennedy rushes to her side to carry her back into the house with help from Amanda.

Spike then finds that he is unable to look away from the doorway; his eyes are locked there even after Willow is safely inside and the reason for his stare is the angel standing in the entry staring at him. Tara smiles at Spike and then finally the vampire is knocked out of his reverie. When Spike looks back to where the uber-vamp was that he was fighting he sees that the rest of the potentials have joined the fight. With multiple people trying to take out each of the creatures the job seems to be moving along a lot easier. Spike rushes back in to the fight with his axe raised.

--

The First barely has time to react as Buffy's axe swings quick and precise and glides straight through the First's neck. Buffy watches as its head is severed cleanly and rolls off its shoulders. It's a surreal sight to see this being that looks exactly like her die in that way and even more so for Buffy to be the one that killed it. Buffy expects the blonde haired head to bounce against the pavement, but before it reaches the ground it bursts apart into billions of tiny black swarming shards. The First's body does the same. Like flies the black flecks explode and fly away into the night. As they branch out and expand, Buffy sees that their numbers are vast and soon she is surrounded by them, however only for a moment. Then they are gone.

--

Spike beheads the last of the uber vamps. He watches as the creature's body turns to dust. Spike then wipes away blood from a split lip and turns around to see Xander and Giles still waiting in the yard while the rest of the potentials shuffle into the house. Luckily no lives were lost, however Xander looks to have quite a serious bruise forming around his neck and up the side of his left cheek and Giles has what appears to be three claw marks across his right cheek.

"Hell of a fight that was," Spike says as he approaches the other two men.

"Yeah… let's just hope Buffy was as victorious as we were," Xander says and the three men walk to the door side by side.


	19. Angelic Rewards:

**Angelic Rewards:**

Willow wakes up groggily on the couch and for a moment she believes herself to still be asleep as the image that comes into view is that of an angel. Then the world around Willow comes into focus and her memories of earlier that night fill back into her mind. Tara's face becomes clearer and so does Kennedy's who stands behind her with her arms crossed; both women stare down at Willow with concern.

"Tara," Willow says softly then tries to sit up.

"Shh, it's okay, take it slow," Tara says in a musical voice. "You really wore yourself out." Willow remembers now, she remembers Xander's face as the turk-han held him high in the air and choked the life out of him.

"Oh God… Xander," Willow does sit up this time and as she does Xander quickly moves into view.

"It's all right Will, I'm right here. We're all fine… no casualties." That calms Willow.

"Did Buffy…"

"I don't know, she's not back yet," Xander says and Willow's face falls for a moment. She meets Spike's eyes and can see his worry building there. The vampire is nervous and Willow silently prays that he has no reason to be.

"If Tara's still here that means she must still be fighting the First, right?" Dawn asks and the angel turns to face her, her glowing face is warm and soothing.

"No, no Dawnie… that's not how it works… I have until sunrise regardless of what happens," Tara says. "You see, I'm here to help you, to help Buffy but I'm also here as a gift."

"A gift?" Willow asks.

"A gift to you… for all you've done. I can't stay long, because I don't belong here, but I have until sunrise as a reward for all the good you've done."

"All the good?" Willow's eyes grow wide. She doesn't think of herself that way. In Willow's mind she's done terrible things. Things that she should not be forgiven for, but here is Tara, someone who is truly good, telling her that she's being rewarded. "There has to be some mistake."

"There's no mistake… you've done a lot of good Willow, and I know… I know that because of things you did last year that you think you don't deserve this, but you do." Willow's eyes well up with tears. Tara kneels down so that she's eye level with her and takes her hands in her own resting them atop Willow's knees. "I'm so sorry that I left you the way I did, and you need to know that you are forgiven for what you have done." The tears start to fall now and Tara embraces Willow pulling her close.

Kennedy looks on for a few moments as her jealousy builds within. It had been hard for her when Willow was passed out and everyone came in to gush over the _angel_ in the room. They all obviously loved this woman with all of their hearts and Kennedy is positive that she must be a wonderful person, but that's exactly the problem. Kennedy wonders how she's supposed to compete with that, how she's supposed to compete with perfection, with an angel. Now as Kennedy looks on at Willow in Tara's arms it's too much for her and she vanishes upstairs.

"It just hurt so much," Willow says in a sob as she pulls away to meet Tara's face once again.

"I know, I know it did… I felt all of your pain after I was gone. I know how much you loved me, and I loved you just as much." Willow's cries are deeper now, but there is also a smile pulling at the corner of her lips. Behind Tara the living room starts to empty to give the two women a moment alone.

"You're really not mad at me for… for what I did."

"No."  
"But Tara, I… I _killed_ him, I _tortured_ him… I was evil and I didn't even care I just…"

"Shh, don't talk like that… I can't say I'm happy with what you did, but I'm not mad at you because of it. I love you Willow and I know you're a good person." Tara leans in and gives Willow a short yet passionate kiss on the lips. "Nothing you've done wrong matters because I know who you really are."

--

Buffy's face has slipped back into her human form as she walks home. Her battle axe hangs loosely in her hand attached to her limp and exhausted arm. A purple bruise is forming on the slayer's jaw and Buffy knows that every part of her body will hurt tomorrow. The only thing that Buffy has to be happy about is that she can take her time limping back as the sun won't rise for a good few more hours. The only thing that could make Buffy feel worse right now would having to be rushed as well and she's glad that she's not.

--

Spike is pacing restlessly in the kitchen and Xander, Dawn, Anya and Giles watch him intensely. It's just the four of them in the kitchen as the potentials have gone down into the basement. Spike moves like a broken record retracing his steps perfectly and each round he makes has a whole new layer of worry to be added on to the existing ones.

"Hey, energizer bunny," Xander calls, "chill out, you're making us all nervous."

"She should have been back by now," Spike responds pausing for a moment then continuing on with his relentless back and forth walk.

"She's gonna be fine," Dawn says, but Spike ignores her.

"I should go out… go find her."

Just then, however, all conversation in the house is silenced as the creaking of the front door opening is heard. Spike rushes to the door followed by those in the kitchen. As Spike sees her walk in, even as beaten and bruised as she looks he lets out a sigh of relief.

"Buffy," Xander calls with reprieve and Dawn rushes up to her sister embracing her in a tight hug. Buffy drops her axe to the ground and wraps her arms around Dawn's frame. "So, you did it right? The First is gone?"

"Yeah," Buffy says in a breath. "Gone for now at least, but it wont be coming back anytime soon." Buffy's eyes meet Spike's then and for just a moment the world melts away, that is until someone else catches Buffy's eyes.

Tara and Willow have moved into the entryway to greet Buffy and the Slayer's eyes lock on Tara's. The angel stands before her glowing and radiant. Buffy smiles at the woman who became a great friend to her. The year before Tara had been the only person Buffy felt comfortable talking to about all of her worries, and now here she is before her once again. Dawn notices Tara as well and pulls out of her hold around her sister to allow her to greet the angel before her. Tara moves close to Buffy and pulls her into a hug.

The slayer closes her eyes as the angel surrounds her with warmth and love. For just a moment Buffy is reminded of her time in heaven.

"We'll meet again," Tara says in a whisper so soft that only Buffy can hear. "When your time comes they will let you back in, and by then Spike as well." Buffy feels her eyes tearing up with the news that Tara has told her and her grip on the goddess before her tightens. "Prepare yourself though," Tara says then pulls away to look Buffy straight in the eyes. "It will be a long time coming." Buffy smiles at Tara.

"Thank you," Buffy says and in those few short words Buffy knows that her time with Tara is done, the rest is left for Willow. Buffy walks over to Spike and meets his eyes signaling him to follow her upstairs. She gives one last glance to Tara and then disappears. Her thank you is a sign of her gratitude but also a goodbye.

--

Buffy shuts her door behind her as she and Spike enter her room. They've had a long night and are both looking forward to some quiet time together. Spike runs his fingers across Buffy's bruised jaw as she turns to him. All of Spike's concern for her vanishes as his eyes meet hers. They've both made it through this alive, and in this moment everything is perfect.

"We really won didn't we," Buffy says without breaking eye contact. Spike smiles down at her.

"Yeah pet, we really did." Now Buffy is smiling as well.

Spike wants to suggest that they celebrate their victory; however there is weariness in the Slayer's eyes. Her fight with the First has worn her out and Spike is still recovering from his battle with the uber-vamps. Once she's rested, however, Spike plans to help her celebrate all day. Spike shakes his thoughts aside then as he notices Buffy's eyes twinkle up at him filled with emotion.

"I love you," she says and her smile widens, so does Spike's. He leans down to her then to place a chaste kiss upon her lips, but Buffy pulls him to her and draws him deeper. Arms tangle around each other as they stumble closer to the bed. Then their kiss breaks and Buffy's eyes flutter shut. She wants Spike, but she can also feel sleep pleading with her consciousness.

"It's alright pet, I know you must be tuckered out. Let's just rest tonight. We have an eternity to celebrate properly." Spike smirks down at Buffy and she smiles back brightly.

--

The sun has risen mere inches above the horizon and Tara has gone. Willow waited with her until the sun's rays pulled her back to the great beyond. They talked and laughed and cried during the short time they had and then when it was time to go they got to say goodbye. It was a bittersweet moment, but also one that Willow will forever cherish. She will also cherish the words which the angel said to her mere moments before she left.

"_It's okay to live, Willow… we'll meet again one day, but don't spend your time here on earth alone."_

Willow understood Tara's words and simply nodded. Then after a sweet kiss and an emotional goodbye Tara vanished into the light of day.

Now, after Willow has pulled herself together, she climbs the stairs to her room to face Kennedy. The stairs creek with each step she takes and Willow finds herself nervous of the impending conversation. She knew before the spell that there could be some distance in her relationship with Kennedy after Tara's short return, but she's not sure how distant that distance will be.

Willow quietly opens the door to her room to find Kennedy sitting at the edge of the bed. Willow is unsure of what to say, she simply closes the door behind her and Kennedy stands up.

"The way I see it, there are two things I can do," Kennedy says and Willow listens closely. "I can leave knowing that you and I will never have what you had with her," Willow's face drops. She doesn't want Kennedy to leave. Tara will always be the love of her life, but this woman before her means so much to her. "Or… or, I can stay because this could still be something great." Willow's anxiety is high as she stares at the woman before her waiting for her to make a decision. "So the things is Willow… I love you, and being the love of your life would be great, but that spot is already filled, although… that doesn't mean that you don't still love me, so as long as you love me too I'll stay."

Willow's eyes tear up with joy and she moves closer to the woman standing before her. Their eyes meet and then their lips and Kennedy has her answer.

--

In the room next door Buffy and Spike have fallen into a deep sleep wrapped in each other's arms. One room over Dawn is fanned out across her bed dreaming the night away. In the basement the potentials have passed out on the blue training mats feeling safe and sound for the first time in months; and in the living room Giles is asleep on the couch while Anya is curled up in Xander's arms on the floor. For now everyone has their happy ending.


	20. Epilogue:

**Epilogue:**

_Deep into that darkness peering,  
__Long I stood there, wondering, fearing,  
__Doubting, dreaming  
__Dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before_

Edgar Allan Poe

--

The white sheet of Buffy's bed twists in knots as the inhabitants of the bed twirl and spin with it wrapped around them. Its early morning, the sun has risen little over an hour ago; however Buffy and Spike have yet to fall asleep. It's been two weeks since the battle with the First and Spike has kept his promise of celebrating properly every day since. He flips Buffy on to her back and stares down at her with a bright smile. She matches it with her own toothy grin as she looks back up at him, then hungrily his mouth meet hers. Buffy's fingers tangle in Spike's platinum locks and they fall into another round of celebration.

--

Anya leans over from her position in the passenger seat to the driver's seat of Xander's car to honk the horn. It rings with impatients through the air signaling Xander who waits in the doorway of the Summer's home that she is more then ready to go. Xander stares back at the car then turns to see Dawn still rushing about gathering books and whatever other materials she needs for school. Sunnydale High is offering summer classes since the school was shut down over the last few weeks due to an _absentee principal_ and Dawn doesn't want to fall behind.

"Come on Dawn, you're gonna be late," Xander calls into the house.

"Okay… just… one minute," Dawn says as she grabs a bagel off the kitchen counter and rushes to the door.

Xander follows Dawn out to the car and closes the door behind him. They drive off just like any other day without the fear of the First or uber-vamps. Everything for the most part has gotten back to normal in Sunnydale and the apocalypse has basically been forgotten. Xander's construction job has picked back up, businesses are reopening, and life in general seems to be getting back to normal.

As for other members of the scooby gang things are moving smoothly for them as well. Giles stayed for a week after the defeat of the First then went back to London where he's been helping getting the Council re-established, the potentials went home, and Andrew slept on the Summer's couch until he decided to atone for his wrong doings by aiding Giles in the council and left for London.

--

Kennedy and Willow tromp down the stairs in a quick pace. Willow hits the light as she comes to the end of the stairs since the lower level now sits in darkness from the new thick drapes that were bought the week before. Many changes have occurred since the destruction of the First, the most appreciated of which is the lack of potentials swarming about and the newfound silence that overcomes the house during the day. Along with that all Buffy's debts have been wiped from existence as the bank and local companies neared going out of business just a month ago when people had started to flee the city. Also Kennedy has moved in permanently as has Spike who no longer spends any time in the basement.

Willow grabs her keys off the kitchen counter, where she left them the night before, then grabs her jacket and she and Kennedy head out for breakfast.

--

Buffy has once again fallen into a deep slumber after another early morning with Spike. They lie in bed wrapped up in each other with nothing but a sheet to cover them. Spike watches Buffy for a short while as she drifts off into a peaceful sleep, then he himself succumbs to exhaustion as well and falls into a deep sleep beside her.

--

_Buffy wanders through her mind as she dreams the morning away. She walks through a thick vibrant forest. Sunlight streams through the leaves of plants and creates rays that illuminate tiny floating particles of pollen in the air. Instantly Buffy recognizes this place. It is the same forest which has been the location of her dreams for some time now. This time however, the air is clear and lacks the white mist which Buffy has come to associate with this imaginary location. Slowly the slayer turned vampire walks through the foliage. Twigs snap beneath her feet letting out a loud wet crunch for each stem and Buffy is reminded of how much life exists in this place. She is reminded of how alive the forest is and how dead she is._

_Buffy continues walking and the forest around her begins to thin. Then suddenly the sun is shining down brightly on her face as she walks out into a clearing. Buffy looks out at the field before her. Tall yellow grass blows in the wind and a willow tree stands tall in the distance. Buffy looks up at the sky and feels the warmth of the sun upon her skin. She lets her eyes fall shut, when she opens them again there is movement in the brush._

_Xander treads through the field, behind him Willow's red hair blows in the wind as she follows and behind her Dawn moves as well flattening the grass with each step. Buffy smiles at them and confusion over why the sun isn't burning her skin flees from her mind. Buffy and Xander's eyes meet then the young man before her embraces her in a hug, Buffy doesn't know why but it seems appropriate. Willow then joins the hug wrapping her arms around Buffy and Xander and finally Dawn walks up and is pulled into the center of the hug as well. In that moment Buffy doesn't ever want to let go, she wishes that she could hold on to them _forever_._

_Buffy lets her eyes flicker shut and she grips her friends tighter. When Buffy opens her eyes the sun is gone and those in her arms are starting to crumble. Fear overcomes Buffy's features as she watches her friends turn to ash. Willow is the first to disintegrate and Dawn is soon to follow with Xander being the last to turn to dust in her arms._

_Buffy claws at the dust and pulls it to her body frantically trying to pull her friends back together again. Slowly she falls to her knees covered in powder. Silver moonlight shines upon her as tears start to fall._

"_Buffy, love," a caring voice calls, Buffy looks up to see Spike standing before her with a concerned expression._

"_They're all gone," Buffy says and Spike reaches a hand out to help Buffy to her feet. _

_As she stands she looks out at the field which moments before grew tall yellow grass. Now the grass has been cut short. The weeping willow tree in the distance seems to stand taller then before and from where Buffy and Spike rest until past what the eye can see gravestones cover the land. _

--

Buffy's eyes snap open and she sits up in bed. Her fingernails are clenching the white sheet of her bed close to her chest so tightly that she rips holes through it. A deep unneeded gasp is quickly inhaled and then Spike is at her side. He reaches an arm around her to calm her and Buffy pulls herself into his chest.

"Buffy, love. It's alright… I'm here… What's wrong?" Buffy takes a few more breaths to steady herself.

"Nothing… it's just a dream."

"Slayer dream?" Spike asks with worry.

"No… no, just a regular old nightmare… I'm alright, really." Spike places his hands around Buffy's face and locks his eyes with hers.

"There's no need to be afraid pet… I'll always be here. _Forever_."

--

**The End.**

* * *


End file.
